I believe we’re intrigued by novelty. You know which restaurant has novelty in its menu? The Cheesecake Factory. They have 250+ items across about 20 pages, including roughly 40 cheesecakes! There are just too many choices for my brain to review to make the best decision for that meal. Even if I lived across the street from a Cheesecake Factory, I would not go there of my own free will!

Choosing your meal is not a life-or-death decision. You would have to admit that we’re confronted with an overabundance of choice in our daily lives. Pick up your phone and you instantly go into a rabbit hole of reels being fed to you by the algorithm. We no longer have to think for ourselves. We can turn off our brains and keep scrolling as we take some time to “relax.” I can’t tell you how many people almost ran into me this last week as their heads were buried in their phones.

You would think that since everyone is scrolling, no one thinks about the big questions in life. However, Pew Research found that 46% of U.S. adults regularly think about meaning and purpose. At least once per week. That’s around 122 million people wondering what their lives are about.

But thinking about purpose doesn’t mean you know what yours is. When you don’t know your purpose, you can wander aimlessly, just letting life happen to you. I’ve been in this spot myself.

There is another way. I believe the key to knowing your purpose starts with understanding your natural gifts and how you can use them to help others. These are the gifts that you were born with. It’s never too late to discover yours and change your life. If you’re sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed with a Cheesecake Factory menu of life choices, you’re in the very best place to make a change. More on that next week.

See you next Sunday.

P.S. Are you sick and tired of living life on repeat, hoping things will get better? If you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, reply to this email with the word “PLATYPUS,” and I’ll reach out. I read every email.

If you enjoyed this post, share it with someone you care about. Thank you.

How you see the world determines the world you see. —Jon Gordon

I'm generally optimistic. I’m a glass-half-full person. I think the best of others unless they give me a reason not to. But some nights, I wake up with anxiety and worry about the problems I will face the next day. It's hard to shake this feeling, and it can ruin my day if I don't intentionally stop myself.

When you encounter problems that rob you of sleep, how do you approach them? Here are three possibilities:

1. Blame others. Hey, it doesn’t solve my problem, but at least it takes the responsibility off of me! It’s someone else’s problem now! But let’s be honest. It takes a lot of mental energy and ultimately it doesn’t solve anything. Not a great choice.

2. Focus on your shortcomings. Zig Ziglar said, “The most influential person you will talk to all day is you. So you should be very careful what you say to you.” If you already struggle with a negative self-image, this approach will only confirm your worst fears. It's like sticking a knife in your side and twisting it over and over and over again. Another bad choice.

3. Ask yourself, “What is this situation asking of me?” Or, said another way, “What am I being asked to grow into? What skills am I being asked to develop?” The truth is, you aren’t born with the ability to deal with every life situation. We learn the most from failing and making adjustments.

It is amazing how well choice #3 has worked for me. Do I apply it every time? No, but I know it works. This approach allows me to control the meaning I give to whatever problem I'm facing. Choice #3 makes me more curious and less judgmental. It helps me grow because I’m focused on improvement instead of dwelling on what is wrong. I actually just adjusted my sour mindset as I wrote this piece!

You will face challenges this week. You may already be in the middle of one. You and I get to choose how we respond. We can shift from a wounded-victim mindset to a place where you can expand your creativity and grow.

Try Choice #3 and let me know how it goes. It works if you will work it. Leave a comment below or send me a note. My prayer is that this will be a much better week. I’m cheering for you!

See you next Sunday.

Thank you for reading. The best compliment I could receive is that you would share it with someone you care about.

“It's the world we live in, sadly. No respect, no consideration. Hardly anyone cares anymore.”

“My guess is the person could probably use the steps from a spot much further out.”

These were some comments I read on a social media post recently. An anonymous person was called out for parking in a law enforcement spot at my local grocery store. My initial reaction was annoyance that someone would be so rude. But then I thought, what if my reaction says more about me than the alleged perpetrator?

We tell ourselves stories based on our experiences and the information we consume. These stories can translate into snap judgments. It happens in an instant. If you believe no one respects law enforcement, you could assume this person was thumbing their nose at the police. Or perhaps you think they were out of shape and looking for a shorter walk to the door. Our stories shape how we see the world, regardless of what is true. As William Shakespeare once said,

“Nothing in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Stories provide the rationale for how we interpret what we see. In the excellent book “Crucial Conversations”, the authors say, “Our stories contain not just conclusions but also judgments (whether something is good or bad) and attributions (interpretation of others' motives).”

Put differently, we see and hear something, which creates an internal story that drives our emotions and feelings and ultimately leads to action (social media post).

Any set of facts can tell many stories. Let’s go back to the rogue car parker. Instead of assuming the worst, let’s ask some different questions:

• Was she an off-duty officer?

• Did she recently lose her spouse, who was a law enforcement officer, and did she feel she had a right to park there?

• Did she have poor health, and were all the handicapped spots filled?

• Did she have a challenging family situation and not notice where she was parking?

The authors of the book say, “If we take control of our stories, they won’t control us.” This idea can help us build better stories and relationships with our families, friends, and strangers.

I used this concept recently at work. I knew something was happening with a coworker, even though they kept saying everything was fine. After a few failed attempts, I said, “Hey Marty, the story I’m telling myself when we talked about this issue is that I let you down by not providing the right support. What did I get right, and what did I get completely wrong in what I just said?” This opened the door to a candid conversation about what was really going on, helped us make real progress on solving the problem, and improved our relationship.

Perhaps the “illegal” parker was insensitive and only cared about their own comfort. It will remain one of life’s big mysteries. I want to make this practical for you. Here are some ideas:

1. Read Crucial Conversations. It is an engaging read with practical methods to positively impact your most important relationships at home and at work.

2. Get curious instead of judgmental. Regardless of what your brain tells you, we don’t know the whole story.

3. Assume positive intent. Each one of us is fighting a battle others know nothing about. Give others more grace, and you will receive it back in return.

May your instinct be to question the stories you tell yourself. With so much turmoil in our world, we will make a difference for those around us by telling ourselves better stories.

See you next Sunday.

Thank you for reading. Who do you know that would benefit from this newsletter? The best compliment I could receive is that you would share it with someone you care about.

"Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose." - Viktor Frankl

Sometimes, life has a way of shaking us awake. I recently learned about Paul Kalanithi, a brilliant neurosurgeon who faced terminal cancer at 36, just as he was completing his decade of training. What strikes me most isn't just the tragedy of his story but how he transformed his devastating diagnosis into a profound exploration of what makes life meaningful.

Paul's story hits close to home for me because it was a neurosurgeon who saved my life in 2018 and made it possible for me to be at my daughter’s wedding in 2024.

Like many of us, Paul had spent years postponing certain aspects of life, thinking there would always be time later. He was busy building an impressive career - Stanford medical school, Yale neurosurgery residency - constantly pushing toward that next achievement. Sound familiar? I recognize this pattern in myself and many others: the belief that meaning and fulfillment will somehow arrive after we reach the next milestone.

What deeply touches me about Paul's journey is how he responded to his diagnosis. Instead of retreating into bitterness, he leaned into what mattered most. He wrote, continued treating patients, and he and his wife decided to have a child—choosing to create life even in the face of death. He found that meaning wasn't waiting for some future achievement but fully embracing the present moment, however difficult.

Consider these profound shifts in perspective:

• Purpose can be found in any circumstance, especially the most challenging ones

• Sometimes, our most extraordinary contributions come from our deepest struggles

• Meaning often reveals itself when we stop postponing life

While most of us won't face Paul's exact circumstances, his story invites us to ask: Why wait for a wake-up call? What if we chose to live with intention now? Perhaps you're feeling stuck in a comfortable but unfulfilling routine or achieving goals that no longer resonate with your heart.

Try these ideas for living with a greater purpose:

• Write a letter to yourself about what truly matters to you

• Identify one area where you've been postponing joy or meaning

• Take action this week to bring more authenticity into your daily life

• Ask yourself: "If not now, when?"

Before his death, Paul wrote a book called "When Breath Becomes Air," transforming his personal journey into a gift for others. His words remind us that meaning isn't something we find - it's something we create, often in unexpected circumstances. The question isn't whether your life has a purpose; it's whether you're brave enough to embrace it now.

See you next Sunday.

Thank you for reading. Who do you know that would benefit from this newsletter? The best compliment I could receive is that you would share it with someone you care about.

Obviously, we made it back alive, but little did I know the storm that almost took my life was two months away.

Yesterday was September 26, 2026. It also happened to be the eighth anniversary of the day I found myself in an Arkansas hospital fighting for my life. After battling unexplained high fevers for two weeks, I had surgery that night to remove a bacterial infection that had traveled from my lungs to my brain.

Brain surgery was never in my plan. But eight years later, I can say that I am thankful for it.

Thankful, Tarek, really? You’ll have to explain. I’d be happy to. Because it’s the entire point of this post.

You see, before that day, I bought into the idea that outward success would bring internal fulfillment. Yet as I was recovering at home for three months after the surgery, I had nothing but time to think about what my life truly meant and what I was put on this earth to do. God spoke to me through prayer, family, friends, music, and many tears. Over time, I realized that I’d gotten it all wrong.

Concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl said it well:

If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering.
Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death.

I was determined to extract meaning from my experience. I want to share a few things I learned:

1. A life worth living points toward others. Before this event, I was too focused on myself. Afterward, I had to make my life about adding value to other people, not just myself. Success is about me alone. Significance is about the legacy I leave in others’ lives.

2. We are here for a short time, and I want my life to count. You may die with a huge, medium, or small pile of money, but one thing is sure: we all die. I want to live for something greater than maximizing my own comfort.

3. We all have scars. I have one on the right side of my head that constantly reminds me God kept me here for a reason bigger than myself. You have scars too. Some are on the inside. They don’t disqualify you. It’s quite the opposite, in fact. You're standing on the foundation of all your life experiences, and that qualifies you to share something of value with the world.

I don’t care where you’ve been or what lies have been spoken to you about not living up to your potential. You were born to do more than store up wealth and live a comfortable, safe life. You were born to do something great with your life.

It’s never too late. And you’re not too old.

Wherever you are right now, I offer this as a prayer for you. May you know that you are loved and cherished by your Creator. May you know without a doubt that you were made for a great purpose. That, in fact, you were created to do something significant with your life. And please don’t confuse significance with the applause of crowds, real or virtual. I’m talking about the kind of impact that makes you feel alive inside. Something that would cause you to know without a doubt that you’re fulfilling the purpose you were made for.

Thanks for reading. See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive is that you would share it with people you care about. Thank you!

"When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected
If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it"

Decide what to be and go be it? How many of us actually do that? I sure didn't. You see, I'm a recovering rule follower. I got decent grades in school. I went to work and tried my best every day so I'd get promoted and one day be happy with my life. By most measuring sticks, I've had a healthy amount of success. However, happiness and contentment were missing. Why is that the case?

Because I put my dreams in the hands of others.

I never knew what it meant to have my own dreams. I remained stuck and let past failures linger in my brain on a never-ending repeat loop.

I thought that achieving a level of money/power/position was the ticket to happiness. There's nothing wrong with those things in and of themselves. However, when you attach your personal identity to them, you can lose yourself in the process. I'm a slow learner. Over the past few years, I've become intentional about practicing habits that make me better. I'm learning to detach my personal identity from the outcomes of my work. It's been a long road, but I'm finally learning to own my dreams.

Thanks to those of you who have read this far. I hope this resonates with some of you. The world needs the REAL you - not the person you think others want you to be. You were meant for much more than you're allowing yourself to be. Here's to dreaming big!

This post is dedicated to my beautiful mother, Karen Taha, who passed away in 2017. She was a children's book author and dearly loved by her family and friends. She taught me to love reading, how to write (she would not be an AI fan!), and most importantly, how to love people well. I miss her every day.

See you next Sunday.

Thank you for reading. Who do you know that would benefit from this newsletter? The best compliment I could receive is that you would share it with someone you care about.

Do you know that hamsters can run 10 kilometers every night on a wheel? Take a look at this fascinating video of a Russian hamster:

In many ways, life can feel like running on a hamster wheel. I attended engineering school and earned a degree in engineering. I married my high school sweetheart, got a job, and bought a house. Later, I had a kid and started saving for retirement. Until recent years, I haven’t taken enough time to think…do I even know where I’m going? Or am I just running in the same direction as those around me?

Too many times to count, I have talked myself out of trying something because it’s outside of the identity I see myself in. I have fallen into the trap of comparing myself unfavorably to others because I may not be gifted in the same areas they are.

I’ll say this plainly: If the measure of your success in life is based on how you compare to others, you will always be miserable.

Each of us has battles we fight daily, hourly, and minute by minute in the space between our ears. What can be done to stop, step off the hamster wheel, and reflect on where we are and where we are actually going?

Over the past few years, I’ve come to realize that personal growth has been the one thing missing. For years, I looked to others to guide me on my next step. I assumed I would naturally grow into the person I was meant to be. Here’s the hard truth:  

Personal growth is not a natural process. Most of us don’t do it.

Growth begins with being intentional. The desire to grow comes before action. Once I obtained my degree and started a job, I assumed my company would take care of me. This is simply not true. You must take complete ownership of your personal growth if you want to reach your potential.

When you take your last breath, will you wish you had stayed late one more day at the office or that your 401K had a few more dollars in it? Unlikely.

On this Sunday, take a pause before jumping into the week and consider these four ideas:

1. Prioritize yourself. Dedicate yourself to prioritizing your growth. No one else will do it for you. You can’t add value to others unless you first add value to yourself.

2. Examine your life. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Start journaling for a few minutes every day without rules. Write in a notebook or type on your phone. Where are you growing, learning, and failing? Review at the end of each week. Take one small step each week based on what you've learned.

3. Done beats perfect. I start with the desire for every blog, including this one, to be perfect. I’ve had to get over myself and realize that’s an impossible ask! Start your personal growth journey today. Don’t listen to that nagging voice in the back of your head, telling you that you aren’t good enough.

4. Read one personal growth book over the next month. Not a reader? Get the audiobook on the free Libby app or Audible. Most people choose TV or doomscrolling over reading. Choose to be different. This excellent book is impacting me right now:

   

Your creator made you with unique gifts no one else in the world has. Let that sink in for a minute. The world is best served when you understand your gifts and fully embrace them. When is the best time to plant a tree? 10 years ago. When is the second-best time? Now.

See you next Sunday.

Thank you for reading. Who do you know that would benefit from this newsletter? The best compliment I could receive is that you would share it with someone you care about.

Susanna loves plants. She has an amazing knack for helping plants flourish. It’s a gift. If it were up to me, none of them would survive. A couple of years ago, she bought a money tree at a community event. Do you have one? It’s a low-maintenance, pet-friendly plant with beautiful braided stems. They can grow as tall as 8 feet indoors! However, ours seems to be a bit stunted in its growth. It’s topped out at about 4 feet.

The thing with a tree is that the root system it occupies limits its growth. In other words, it needs a bigger pot to expand!

If we repot the plant in a larger container, we will eventually have a bigger tree. It won’t show up immediately. There will be little visible upward growth during the first two months. During that time, the root system spreads and stretches out in its new home, growing deeper and stronger roots. After that foundation is established, a money tree can grow up to 24 inches each year. The root system is expanding and increasing the tree’s capacity for growth.

So, how does this apply to you? Let me ask you this: It’s Sunday. Do you have the Sunday scaries? Are you dreading what is awaiting you at work tomorrow? Are you thinking about the same unsolved projects and difficult conversations? Are you ready for the week to be over before it starts?

If this is you, there’s nothing wrong with you. I’ve been there myself more times than I can count. I remember being stuck in what felt like a weekly doom loop with no way out. But knowing what you want and actually changing your life are two entirely different things. How do you even know where to start?

Personal growth changed my life. It’s essentially a “repotting” of your brain. Intentional growth expands your capacity to see opportunities rather than obstacles in the world around you. “Yeah, Tarek, I’ve heard this self-help crap before, and I don’t buy it. You don’t know what I’m facing.” Agreed. I don’t know what you’re up against. I’m speaking from my experience. I became interested in personal growth after realizing that doing things my way was a dead end.

Nothing happens immediately when we start working on ourselves by journaling, taking gratitude walks, reading new books, listening to podcasts, and opening ourselves to new ideas. However, your life can’t help but change over time as your root system expands:

• You will start to see opportunities instead of what limits you.

• You will show up differently with those you live and work with.

• You will think much less about what others think and more about fulfilling your potential.

The growth happening inside you starts to show up on the outside of you as you grow taller and more confident in who you are and how you were meant to show up in the world.

How might you begin repotting your life this week? Pick one thing you want to improve in and

• Do it on purpose. If it’s reading a book, commit to 10 pages per day.

• Do it imperfectly. Celebrate the small victories along the way, and don’t beat yourself up when you miss a day.

• Do it without knowing how things will turn out. It’s hard to do new things when you don’t see immediate results. But keep going.

I’m blocking time to work on my book through the end of the year. It’s the most important appointment I have with myself. I’m committed to getting it done in 2026. It’s been a goal of mine for at least 3 years. For some reason, writing this blog has been a lot easier than the book. No matter. I’m committed.

What will you do to grow bigger on the inside? I’m hosting a free masterclass on Wednesday night about how we’re built for more than climbing to the next rung on the achievement ladder. It’s free, and I know you’ll come away with new ideas for your life.

Make this the week that you don’t settle anymore. The one that puts you on a journey to become who you were always meant to be.

See you next Sunday.

P.S. Join me on Wednesday at 6 PM Central. It may just give you the spark you’ve needed to live the life you were made for. Here’s the link:

Built for More Than The Next Rung Masterclass

Thank you for reading. Who do you know that would benefit from this newsletter? The best compliment I could receive is that you would share it with someone you care about.

“Ideas can be life-changing. Sometimes all you need is just one more good idea.” —Jim Rohn

It’s way too easy to stay stuck in our own patterns. Our own routines. Our own version of a “safe” life. The problem comes when that safe life starts to feel stale. You lose your sense of purpose and just go through the motions. You might have enough money to buy what you need to survive, but you just feel stuck in Groundhog Day.

But sometimes, it just takes one good idea to change your life.

That’s what we’re experiencing in the “Choose Your Mountain” cohort I’ve been leading over the last few weeks. New ideas. Getting around others who are tired of playing it safe. People who are tired of punching the clock at work. People who no longer want to be working for the weekend. People who realize that there isn’t enough Netflix, doomscrolling, or sports to fill the gap they feel inside.

Tyler is in a tech sales role that feels stale. It seemed like a good opportunity, but it’s not aligned with the things he’s good at. But recently, he’s experienced a renewed excitement over his true passion: music creation and production. He’s putting more effort into a music producers user group he’s leading. He’s also met a new friend who wants to create music together.

Jacob has started journaling at the end of each day and focusing on what went well, what could have gone better, and what he’s excited about the next day. He’s now actively thinking about his next act after his corporate role and is working with a successful entrepreneur to help him strategize a new business idea he can launch after he retires.

Tessa has been frustrated with her job situation. She quit a toxic full-time role and has been working as a contractor since then. Since starting with our cohort, she has decided to reach out to a board member of a local nonprofit that aligns with her true passions for nature, education, and conservation.

Jonathan has also been highly frustrated with his 9-to-5 for years. As soon as he pulls into the parking lot, he can’t wait for 5 PM. He’s recently realized he wants to mentor others. He wants to help others look at their lives in a more meaningful way, using his life experience as a launching pad.

Tim is a career educator who launched several successful businesses in the past. But amid his own health and market challenges, he had to close them down. He’s taken his first math teaching job in 30 years. But his heart is to build a faith-centered training and community for teachers that strengthens their emotional intelligence, enabling them to form deeper connections with students and parents so they can have a greater eternal impact through their work.

These are just a few examples of the breakthroughs we’ve seen in just 3 weeks. These are normal people from varied backgrounds (tech, engineering, education, HR) who are beginning to see what’s possible simply by spending time with others who aren’t satisfied with living a safe life that feels empty.

These breakthroughs aren’t coming because I had a master plan. I know next to nothing about music production, high school education, and business building. What I realize is that when you get in a room with people who want to grow, the ideas already inside you start to come out.

I’m so excited about the results we’re seeing that I’m putting together a new cohort. We start in September. If you want to learn more, just reply to this email, and I’ll send you the details.

See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

I’ll admit, I get a small thrill out of seeing Amazon packages show up at the door. Usually I’m disappointed because they have my bride’s name on them, but every now and then, there’s one for me. I especially love Amazon’s “subscribe and save” feature. Items we need for the household just show up at the door every month without me having to think about it. Vacuum cleaner bags, organic oatmeal, Tide Pods, Mrs. Meyers hand soap, Nectar electrolyte packets, a water filter for our refrigerator, and #4 coffee filters. All of these items contained in a large 6-sided box sealed with that distinctive Amazon tape.

This made me think about my life. If I were to put all the things in my life in a box, what would be in there? Not only physical items, but also people, thoughts, concerns, ideas, fears, hopes, dreams…all the things that make up our lives. Let’s peel back the orange tape and do a quick inventory:

- Your spouse or significant other

- Your children and their well-being

- Your job and the people who count on you at work

- Your dogs or cats

- The grudges you can’t seem to let go of

- The car you drive

- The house you live in

- Your favorite sports team(s)

- Your relationships with your mom, dad, and extended family

- The crippling fears that wake you up in a cold sweat at 2 AM

- The clothes you wear

- Fantasy sports betting

- Your physical health

- Your favorite and least favorite political figures

- Your good/bad habits

- What you believe about the meaning of your life

This list could go on. But let’s stop there. I like some things in my box; some are neutral, and others I hate. Like anyone, I want to maximize the good and minimize the bad. I want control over what goes in and what stays out. I can throw away old clothes and replace them with new ones. I can throw out toxic relationships and pursue life-giving ones. In my case, I could finally replace my 2012 Toyota 4Runner with a newer model, but then I’d have to put car payments in my box, and I don’t want to.

Life often feels out of control, so controlling the controllables seems like the logical thing to do. The truth is, we have little to no control over most of the things in our box. The leader you thought would change your life turns out to be human. A health diagnosis turns your life upside down in a single doctor's visit. The kids you poured your life into go off the rails, making you feel like a failure.

You’ve got stuff in your box I didn’t mention. So do I. I have a short assignment for you today. Take fifteen minutes and do an inventory. What are you carrying around that needs to be thrown out? Who or what are you trying to control that needs to be released? Our lives are happening right now, one hour, one minute at a time. I want to make mine count. I believe you do too — that’s why you’re reading this.

What’s in your box matters. Choose wisely.

See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

When someone first subscribes to The Authentic Path, I send them to a blog post I wrote in May 2025. In an age where all the information you want is at your fingertips, reading real books is a lost art. So I decided to share an updated version with you today. I also included a bonus that wasn’t in the original. I hope this adds value to you.

Over the past decade, I have read many books on personal growth. Some were not good. Some were OK. Some were really good. These 3 4 were life-changing.

1. The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell

I first read this book in 2022. Here’s why it will help you. John shows you how to change your life, one day at a time. The Law of the Rubber Band captures the main idea:

“Growth stops when you lose the tension between where you are and where you could be.”

For much of my life, I had been waiting for fulfillment to appear with the next accomplishment, the next trophy on the wall, the next rung on the ladder. John says that most people use a small fraction of their capabilities and, as a result, fall well short of their potential. In my case, I kept waiting for “them” to tell me what was next instead of practicing habits that would stretch me into who I could become. I’ve led several masterminds with this book and have seen the lights come on for people who take its simple message to heart. It has been a cornerstone of my growth journey from corporate ladder climber to helping people live out their purpose. It helped me find my voice outside of the noise of others’ expectations.

2. Atomic Habits by James Clear

During the pandemic, Atomic Habits was recommended to me by the best boss I ever worked for. Gary retired a few years ago and has remained a good friend and mentor. His recommendation alone made me want to pick it up.

Here’s why I think you’ll love it. Clear dismantles the myth that transformation requires massive, sudden change. Instead, he reveals how tiny, consistent actions reshape your identity from the inside out. The idea that “every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become” revolutionized how I approach each day. For example, improving my fitness starts with laying out my workout clothes the night before so I can put them on and head to the gym without talking myself out of it.

When you feel trapped in a life you don’t want to be in, the path forward isn’t dramatic resolutions. It’s making small identity-based changes that compound over time. I’m using this idea to write my book in 2026: “I am an author.” I assume the identity before the result occurs. If I continue to write consistently, you will have the opportunity to read it in 2027. Who do you want to become? Start today, and in 6 months you will look back and not recognize the person you’ve become.

3. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Everyone should read this book. Here’s why. It was written by psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who survived four Nazi concentration camps and the murder of his entire family (slow down and read that again). He explores how finding meaning, even in suffering, is the primary human motivation. He lived out Friedrich Nietzsche’s observation that “those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear almost any ‘how.’”

This book challenged me to ask bigger questions about my life. Instead of battling the emptiness of achievement without purpose, Frankl reminded me that our freedom to choose our attitude in ANY circumstance is the one thing that can never be taken from us.

4. From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks

Don’t put this book down after the first chapter, which is entitled “Your Professional Decline Is Coming (Much) Sooner Than You Think.” Brooks argues that professional decline begins in your 40s or 50s. He calls that the misery of the striver’s curse. The harder you worked to build the skills you have, the more it hurts when they fade. He talks about 2 types of intelligence:

Fluid intelligence is like raw horsepower. It is the ability to solve unique problems and process them rapidly to drive innovation. It rises in your 20s and 30s, then begins a long decline. This is how you build the first half of your career. That thought is a bit depressing, right?

Crystallized intelligence is like a stored library. It’s the internet in your brain: accumulated knowledge, vocabulary, pattern recognition, and the ability to look at situations and synthesize meaning from them. Crystallized intelligence rises into your 60s, 70s, and beyond.

Brooks gives permission to stop the cycle of success addiction, where, just like heroin, you need bigger doses to feel like enough. He argues that building your identity outside of what you do is crucial to a purposeful life in the second half. Building deep friendships is a key to this. This is an important book.

You could ask Claude or ChatGPT to summarize these books for you. To tell you what to think about them. But don’t. These are books that need to be held in your hands, marked up, and read with intention. Reading them changed my life. I hope you will allow them to change yours too.

What books are on your must-read list and why?

See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

We are motivated by two conflicting fears in life—the fear of failure and the fear of insignificance. What we endeavor to do in life is determined by which fear is the strongest…I’ve been frightened at toiling my whole life away on other people’s dreams. — Ben Arment

When I was working in corporate, I would sometimes pass a friend in the hall and ask, “Hey, how is it going?” Most people would reply with a kneejerk “good” or “fine” as they kept on moving toward their next meeting. But sometimes I would get, “You know man, I’m living the dream!” My immediate question back would be, “Whose dream is it?” That would cause them to pause and say, “I don’t know, but it’s sure not mine!”

That’s sad. I mean really sad. If you’re not living your dreams, why not? Many of us put all of our hope in a job because it provides for our families, helps us buy things we enjoy, and provides a sense of security.

That sounds like my story. It all makes sense. We need money to buy the things to support our lives. We don’t pursue our dreams because it feels irresponsible or even irrational.

Before you stop reading, this isn’t a “quit your job and live in a van down by the river” message. I really liked my job. I believe I made a difference by adding value to others around me. But that doesn’t stop me from reflecting on what I could do differently.

Bronnie Ware found that one of the top 5 regrets of people who are dying is,

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Wow. This makes me think of all the time I wasted trying to fit into a mold I thought that others had for me instead of being intentional about what God put me on this earth to do. I wasted way too many years chasing things that will not matter on my last day.

I don’t want you to make that same mistake. I’m on a mission to help you stop playing small. To not have that dying regret that Bronnie talked about. I’m on a mission to help you stop leaving 90% of your potential on the shelf. To help you embrace the way you were uniquely created to impact the world.

I call this choosing your mountain. There’s a group of us starting on this journey tomorrow night. I’m so excited about the breakthroughs we are going to experience over the next 4 weeks. There’s a place for you. Join us if you’re tired of playing small. Here are the details:

Choose Your Mountain Founding Cohort

No one like you has ever existed. I believe you were born to do something great with your life. It’s time to get started.

See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

Coming up Tuesday night: I am excited to offer a free masterclass on August 4th at 6 PM CST called “Don’t Quit Your Job (Yet).” This isn’t necessarily for people who are ready to retire, although you could be. It’s for people who want to know what’s next for them beyond their jobs. If you want to get fired up about your next season, this hour is for you. Follow this LINK to save your seat!

This is the last in a five-part series on the blockages that keep us parked in "safe" jobs when we should be thinking about what's next. We've covered money fears, who you are without your title, prioritizing your most important relationship, and the guilt tied to leaving your job. This week I want to close with what I believe to be the most important consideration: Purpose.

Listen here.

"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." — Frederick Buechner

Last week Joe said something a lot of us say to ourselves: “I always tell myself, I will know when it’s time, but will I really?”

I’ve heard some version of this from a lot of people. Many of them have been saying it for years.

Fifteen of the 52 leaders I surveyed had already retired. I went back through their answers looking for more insight.

Every transition they called successful had the same thing in common: something compelling pulling them forward. Mentoring. Teaching. Farming. A fitness community. A daily routine that was already up and running.

And they started it while they were still working.

One person put it this way: “Most people know what they are tired of, but they have not really defined what they are moving toward.”

Try it in your own case. You can probably list ten things you’re tired of: office politics, early morning meetings, shifting priorities, death by PowerPoint. Now list the things you’re excited about. If your second list is thin, pay attention.

One retired leader said: “I wasn’t retiring from something, I was retiring TO something.”

Researchers have actually measured this.

Doctors at Rush University scored nearly a thousand older adults on sense of purpose and followed them for years. The high scorers were 2.4 times more likely to stay free of Alzheimer’s. A separate team followed more than 6,000 adults for 14 years and found that purpose predicted a longer life at every age, retired or not.

A long life still needs a reason. I believe that serving other people must be a major part of that reason. If it’s only about me, what’s the point?

So in short, purpose matters.

Let’s make this practical. I want you to run a pilot test. Here are three things you can do while you’re still working to think about what’s next:

1. Pick it. The one thing you keep coming back to. The teaching, the mentoring, the church ministry, the business idea. Spend time each week daydreaming about what you would do if money were no object.

2. Start small. I’ve heard a lot of people say, “Yeah, I’ll probably volunteer when I retire.” My question is, why not now? One retired leader had been mentoring young women for years before she left. When her last day came, retirement meant more hours for something she already loved.

3. Run the pilot long enough to answer three questions. Do I love this, or just the idea of it? Does it give me a fresh community of people outside of work? Does it make me excited about my future?

I did this myself, mostly by accident. My company paid for a Maxwell Leadership coaching certification in 2023. I used it to serve my teams and peers through masterminds and one-on-one coaching at work. That was two years before I left. When I walked out last December, I was walking toward work I already knew I loved. That’s why I left early. I didn’t want to wait any longer to add value to leaders full time.

What’s next for you

Pick the thing you keep saying you’ll do someday. Give it two hours this week, while you still have the job.

Two hours a week is about 100 hours a year. That number turns up in a Harvard analysis of 13,000 Americans over 50. People who volunteered 100 hours a year had lower mortality, better physical function, and more sense of purpose than people who did nothing.

As we close out this series, I’ll come back to one last survey comment I keep thinking about: “People wait an entire lifetime to retire and don’t get to enjoy it.”

Don’t let that be you.

Perhaps you’re in great financial shape, on your way there, or several years out. What you need is a compelling purpose worth building toward. A way to give the best of what you have to serve others. Start now. When you are doing something you love, the timing question will answer itself as you get in motion.

I don’t know about you, but I always make more progress when I’m in a group of like-minded people moving in the same direction. That’s exactly what my “Don’t Quit Your Job (Yet)” masterclass will cover this Tuesday evening at 6 PM. Make time to join us for this hour: Don’t Quit Your Job (Yet)

See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

This is the fourth in a five-part series on the blockages that keep us parked in the “safe” jobs when we should be thinking about what’s next. We’ve covered money fears, who you are without your title, and prioritizing your most important relationship. This week, we’re talking about a blockage people don’t talk about much. It also produced some of the strongest emotions in my survey.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
— Howard Thurman

“It’s kind of like breaking up with a girlfriend or leaving your parents’ house for the first time.”

That’s how one leader described the thought of leaving his career. A breakup. Leaving home. Those are words for losing something, and he used them about a job he’s free to walk away from at any time.

Another one went to sports: “It’s like working your tail off for years to earn a spot on the first team and then walking away when you’re on top.”

No one is pushing you out. The job is good. Ten thousand people would be thrilled to have your role. But that’s the whole problem: how do you give up something this good without feeling ungrateful?

Almost one in four survey respondents named some mix of love for the job, loyalty, and guilt. Nearly three in ten named doubt about timing.

Joe still can’t answer it: “I always tell myself, I will know when it’s time, but will I really?”

We promise ourselves we’ll just know. And waiting to just know is how five years go by. Then ten.

What would change in your life if you dealt with this question now instead of when your health or age forces you to?

I shared in the first issue that I spent more than two years thinking about leaving before I actually did. I always thought the math didn’t work for me to leave and build a coaching practice. But my financial advisor settled it for me in a handful of meetings last fall. I didn’t need to question his math and run more financial models on my own — that’s what I trusted him for.

Maybe for you, it’s guilt over leaving your teams to fend for themselves. That makes sense. They’ve relied on you. You’ve fought political battles for them. You spent decades being the one who shows up when they need you. That’s just good leadership. And it doesn’t switch off just because you’re ready to do something new with your life. So you keep feeling responsible for people who are capable of swimming the deep waters on their own.

If that’s you, here are three permissions you can give yourself:

Permission to think about it. Thinking about your next season is not quitting. You planned your career. You planned your kids’ education. You’re allowed to actively plan for life after corporate.

Permission to prepare. A financial review, the conversation with your spouse, a small test of a business idea on the side. None of that is turning in your two weeks.

Permission to be replaceable. They will put someone in your place as soon as you walk away. That’s exactly what happened to me. No one is irreplaceable, not even a CEO. That’s proof you built something that outlasts you, which was always the assignment.

And if you still feel guilty anyway, hear how one retired leader described leaving. Sam sometimes felt guilty in the middle of the day for not being at work. Almost two years in, he still has dreams about the job. But this is also true: the guilt fades. Years of internal wiring stay with him, but that doesn’t mean he made the wrong choice.

James said the hardest part for him was “actually believing my value didn’t come from my job performance.” That one hit home with me. If your worth was never tied to the badge, leaving is how you find out where it really comes from.

If you can feel it in your bones that your time is approaching, whose permission are you waiting for?

Your homework this week: tell one trusted person outside of your work circle that you’re actively thinking about your next season. Your second mountain. Your next act. Actively working on it will give you ideas on what can be next in your life.

See you next Sunday.

Note: I am excited to offer a free masterclass on August 4th at 6 PM CST called “Don’t Quit Your Job (Yet).” This isn’t necessarily for people who are ready to retire, although you could be. It’s for people who know what’s next is coming and want to be well prepared. Follow this LINK to save your seat!

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

This is the third in a five-part series about the obstacles that can keep us stuck in “safe” jobs, even when we know it’s time to move on. I surveyed 52 high achievers who have retired or are nearing their next act. We’ve covered money fears and the fact that you are not your title. This week we’re going to talk about our closest relationship.

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin

Mark brought up an obstacle I gave little thought to before I quit my corporate job. “Your significant other and you now have 50+ hours each week of potential overlap in your lives, so how will that work?” A friend of his had shared an interaction he and his wife had early in his retirement. Stan popped downstairs late one morning to check in with his wife. “Hey honey, what’s for lunch?” She looked at him with a raised eyebrow and said, “Look, Stan, I married you for better or for worse, but not for lunch. I’m busy, and you’ll need to figure that out yourself!”

Another respondent asked the question differently: “Will my wife get sick of me being around so much? Will it damage our relationship?”

No one talks about this much. That’s exactly why it stays unplanned. Nearly a third of respondents named spouse dynamics as a challenge, and you can’t hand this off (like finances) to an advisor.

Susanna and I found this out last January during my newfound state of “athomeness.” We have been in love for 40 years and married for 35 years (it should have been 41, but it took her longer to warm up to me!). Like every couple, we had work and other activities we did on our own. As we approached a decision last year on starting a coaching business, she was my biggest supporter and fan. But man, it was different when I didn’t have to get up and drive to the office. She needs her alone time in the morning for prayer and Bible study. I get up before she does, go to the gym, pray, and then get into focused business-building time. In the last 6 months, I’ve learned to make sure she has coffee ready when she wakes up and not to start any serious conversations before 9:30 AM.

You may be further along than we are. One friend reminded me of something that should have been obvious. The COVID lockdown handed millions of us way too much overlap time with zero warning, and every couple learned something about how they’d handle retirement, whether they realized it or not. Or perhaps you’ve worked at home forever, and this is old hat. But for those of us who are new to it, there is an adjustment.

It can be done well. John described the assignment he and his wife took on together: “My wife and I are learning to celebrate being together 24-7.”

I like that. Not just tolerate but celebrate. Let’s be real for a minute. Marriage is hard work, and it’s absolutely worth it. But in a hard pivot like quitting your 9-to-5, the same old playbook won’t work. You’ve got to toss it out.

So here are three questions to ask your spouse this week over coffee or a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant:

1. What do you picture an ordinary Monday morning looking like — for you, for me, for us? You may find you have two very different pictures of the same future. It helps to get clarity.

2. What time needs to stay yours, and what time stays mine? Fifty hours of togetherness can feel suffocating if you aren’t intentional about it. You don’t want to crowd each other out.

3. If one of us stops working before the other, what changes at home? Say it out loud. What are your concerns? What do we need to work through? Unspoken plans become resentments.

None of these questions is complicated. That’s the point. The couples who handle this well aren’t smarter. They are just talking about it intentionally.

Here’s your homework for this week. Pick question one and ask it at dinner. Then listen and repeat back what you thought they said. Give them space to correct your understanding. You’re not pitching your plan. You’re finding out whether you’re both picturing the same thing.

Whatever you were put on this earth to do, you’ll do it better when you both are rowing the boat in the same direction.

If you’re single, you may have skipped this one. No worries at all. Next Sunday we’ll get into a topic that is relevant to all: even with the money solved and the marriage aligned, most people still can’t pull the trigger. The reason surprised me.

So invest in your most important relationship this week. You won’t regret it.

See you next Sunday.

P.S. I am excited to offer a free masterclass on August 4th at 6 PM CST called “Don’t Quit Your Job (Yet).” This isn’t necessarily for people who are ready to retire, although you could be. It’s for people who know what’s next is coming and want to be well prepared. Follow this LINK to save your seat!

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

This is the second in a five-part series about the obstacles that can keep us stuck in “safe” jobs, even when we know it’s time to move on. I surveyed 52 high achievers who had either retired from their jobs or were considering retiring in the next several years.

Last week we talked about money.

This week we’re talking relationships. The people you spend the most time with. A recently retired leader described it to me like this: “A few weeks after you quit, the email, texts, and phone calls come to a dead stop. No one needs you. You start to wonder who you are now without the job.”

Let’s not gloss over this. There is personal identity in being valued and being needed by others. Every person in the survey confirmed some version of this. But no one warns you that leaving your job takes two things from you at once.

The first is your title. You actually have to turn it back in the day you leave. About a third of the survey respondents named identity as a challenge. Who am I when I’m not the VP, the leader, the owner, the one people call when things break? One leader said it this way: “You have to figure out who you are without the business card. That is harder than people admit.”

Simon Sinek tells a story about a highly ranked government official speaking at the same conference a few years apart: once while still holding his title, and the second time as a mere citizen. The first time he was flown in on a private jet and got the full VIP treatment, while the second time he had to fetch his own coffee. If we’re not careful, we can conflate who we are with what we do. I’m guilty of this.

The second is the tribe. More than a quarter named work friendships as highly important. For me, thirty-plus years of hallway conversations vanished as soon as I turned in my badge. One retired executive told me the strangest part was that he misses the people, but he doesn’t want to go back to the office. “Once you cross over to retirement,” he wrote, “you are an outsider and never an insider again.” You can go back and visit, but you'll need to pull out your ID and put on a visitor’s badge. It’s not the same.

For some reason, I thought I’d be the exception. I left my corporate job 6 months ago after 21 years at the same company. The people who came to me for advice every week stopped calling. I knew it wasn’t personal. They had a new boss to keep happy. They had new challenges to face that I couldn’t help them with. The best I could offer was advice as a friend.

Also, I was under the false impression that I’d outsmarted the system. I had been investing in my coaching skills and personal growth for 3+ years before leaving. I’d been building what was next for a while. But somehow that didn’t fill the mental gap when that first Monday rolled around, and I found myself in my flannel pants and sweatshirt staring out the window of my house wondering what my former team at work was doing.

So what can you do to prepare in advance? Three things showed up in the survey.

1. Find new tribes. Jay built relationships at the gym. He’d been going there for a while, but he doubled down and kept showing up at 5:30 am. He got to connect with people who still cared whether he showed up for workouts, regardless of his employment status. And the upside is that he didn’t have to shower and head to the office afterward!

2. Find work that doesn’t need a title. Shannon traded his office for teaching classes at a local university. He is leveraging years of experience to teach students practical, hard-won lessons from the corporate playing field. He isn’t grinding anymore, but he is adding value to students and getting immense personal satisfaction from it.

3. Give your experience away. Laura went all in on mentoring young women in her church and in the workplace. Her years of C-suite experience are invaluable in helping high-potential women succeed in a corporate world that school never prepared them to navigate. Don’t underestimate how valuable your experience is to people coming up behind you.

My favorite answer in the whole survey came from someone who said: “I went out into a field and said goodbye to my old ego. Then I slapped myself in the face and kept moving.”

Maybe that’s what it takes. Accepting the idea that you were successful, you were given a title, you had an impact, BUT your future doesn’t have to look like your past.

The one thing I noticed is that many people who launched well into their next chapter were those who started before they left. So if you’re in that spot, now is the perfect time to start.

And I think this starts with relationships.

So here’s your homework for this week. Write down five people you want to develop closer relationships with. Reach out to one person this week and grab a cup of coffee with them. Don’t talk about work. Make it a point to talk about anything but work. That’s it. Decide now which relationships are worth investing in and invest in those people on purpose.

You will have a great life beyond what you did for work. And you need people who can encourage you along the way. We were never meant to navigate this journey alone.

This transition is hard, but it’s worth it. I believe your next chapter can be the very best chapter of your life.

See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

“Hey you, wake up! Why do you exist? Life is not meant to simply work, wait for the weekend and pay rent!” — Prince EA

This is the first in a five-part series on the blockages that keep us parked in the “safe” jobs. Last month, I asked 52 high achievers who had retired or were in that age range one question: when you think about retiring or leaving your job to do something you want to do, what’s actually stopping you?

Before I show you what they said, I want to be clear about what this series is not. It’s not about retirement accounts or beach chairs. It’s about the belief at the center of The Authentic Path: you were born to do something GREAT with your life, and playing it safe is how that greatness ends up on the shelf.

So as you read these next five issues, I want you to get curious about the question underneath all the others: what were you put on this earth to do?

One of the leaders told me his financial advisor ran the projections and gave him the news: you have a 98-percent-plus chance of dying with more money than you started with.

Not “you’ll probably be OK.” Ninety-eight percent. Nearly certain to finish life richer than he is today.

He still checks the market on his phone every morning. He finally moved the app off his home screen just to slow himself down.

When the math says yes and your stomach says no, the problem was never the math.

Before you think I’m singling out my friend, let me back up. Forty-one of the fifty-two surveyed named money as their number-one barrier. Almost 80 percent.

The surprise was how they talked about it. Almost nobody described a math problem. They described a feeling. “Will it last?” “What is enough?” One retired executive wrote that he still wonders whether he was in a good enough position to leave, “no matter how many times I run the numbers.”

He’s retired. He made it. The plan worked. He’s still running the numbers.

Money was the most common answer in my survey. It was also the least interesting one.

Confession time. I started thinking about leaving corporate more than two years before I actually did, and for a long stretch of that time, I simply assumed the numbers wouldn’t work. I hadn’t tested that. I hadn’t proven it. I had decided it based on my overall aversion to risk.

The first real step I took was sitting down with my advisor, a man I’ve trusted for the last decade with our financial future. He ran the numbers several different ways. We met multiple times. And somewhere in those meetings, it sank in: we could actually do this. I could trade what I thought was certainty for what I now believe is my calling. The math took a few meetings. Untangling my fear from the math took a lot longer.

Here’s what I saw across those 52 responses, over and over, in three forms:

The flip from saving to spending. A leader who retired after a 41-year career put it plainly: “You have to shift your mentality from saving to spending, which is more difficult than you think.” You’ve spent three decades watching the number go up. Watching it go down on purpose feels like failure, even when it’s the plan.

The golden handcuffs. Base pay, bonuses, long-term incentives. Several people told me the hardest part isn’t having enough. It’s voluntarily walking away from more. That's not arithmetic. It's letting go.

The moving target. “What is enough” rarely stays still. Aging parents. Kids’ weddings. One leader told me his wife’s longevity projection runs past 100, and he wants his grandkids financially secure too. Every year you wait, “enough” keeps growing.

Notice what all three have in common: not one of them gets solved by running the numbers one more time.

One responder said perhaps the truest thing in the whole survey:

“The fastest return may not be in your portfolio. It may be in lowering the number you need to be free.”

That one stopped me. We spend years trying to raise the number we have. Almost nobody asks whether the number we need is negotiable.

So let me ask you what I had to ask myself: have you run the numbers with someone you trust or has your fear of “not enough” been running them on your behalf?

If your advisor says 80%+ and you still can’t relax, one more spreadsheet isn’t going to save you. Something else is holding the door shut. And every year that fear wins, whatever you were placed on this earth to do sits on the shelf, year after year after year.

Here’s your homework for this week. Call your financial advisor. If you don’t have one, get one. Get the real answer. Then be brave enough to believe it.

Money is just the first blockage. Over the next four Sundays, we’ll dig into the ones nobody warns you about. The first shows up about a month after you leave, when the phone goes quiet.

Let’s clear the way for you to live out your calling.

See you next Sunday.

→ I'm giving away three 1-hour coaching sessions as part of a new certification I earned. They’re free for the Authentic Path community. Just reply to this email to schedule a Zoom call.

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Julia Child could not cook.

When she graduated from Smith College, she couldn’t make a meal worth eating. She went into advertising. Then she worked in government intelligence during the war. Somewhere along the way, she landed in France, tasted real French food, and was all in.

She published her first cookbook at 50. After that, she became one of the most famous chefs in the world.

You read that right. Fifty years old. After a whole career that had nothing to do with food.

Here is what she said about how she pulled it off:

“The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you’ve got to have a what-the-hell attitude.”

That quote stopped me. Because I am well acquainted with doing everything I can to NOT fail.

The older I get, the more I have to fight my tendency to hit the easy button. To remain comfortable. It takes effort to push against 50+ years of bad habits.

It sounds so reasonable, right? We can tell ourselves that life as we know it today is as good as it gets. The cake is baked, and that’s just how it’s gonna be. I knew someone who tried what you’re trying, and it didn’t work. They had to get a real job again. Might as well play it safe and avoid the pain of starting over.

But that is not wisdom. That’s sliding safely into a life of comfort. A life of settling for less.

This brings me to a gap I think about a lot. It’s the space between who you already are and who you’re not yet. Most of us want to build our home in the “already” and call it good. We decide that we aren’t taking any more risks. It’s time to accept our lives instead of leading them.

But what would you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail?

I’ll share three things that helped me lean into the “not yet.”

The first one sounds simple — because it is. I’m careful about what I let into my head.

I don’t mean standing at the mirror reciting Stuart Smalley affirmations. I’m talking about filling the first part of my day with people who see a glass half full life. Scripture. Books. Podcasts. The ideas of people further down the road than I am. When I can’t find my own belief on a hard day, I borrow theirs.

The second is whitespace. I have never once shut down Instagram feeling better about myself. Holding my life up against everyone else’s highlight reel is a losing battle. Every time. So I take a walk instead. My best ideas don’t show up at my desk when I’m grinding away. They show up on the trail when I’m thanking God for what I already have, thinking about what’s possible.

The third is my journal. There’s no right way to do it. I just get whatever is swirling around in my brain onto the page. I use a cheap notebook from Amazon. Half the fears I write down lose their grip the moment I write them in plain sentences.

None of these methods is complicated. That’s the point. You don’t need a new plan. You need to stop feeding the voice that keeps you parked in a perpetual state of “already.”

Your “not yet” is already inside you. But you must give it room to grow.

So let me ask you the question I keep asking myself: whose voice are you letting speak into your life right now? The one telling you that you can, or the one telling you that you can’t?

I don’t care if you’re 20, 30, or 50, like Julia when she went all in on her calling. You will always feel fear saying “you can’t. Why try. Give it up and just settle.”

Do it anyway.

See you next Sunday.

P.S. If you’ve never watched this classic Julia Child SNL skit, today is the day.

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“Everyone has their cross to bear.”

I can still hear those words. We were early in our marriage, and Susanna was going through a stretch of health problems that scared both of us. The person who said it meant well. They saw the worry on my face, they wanted to help, and that was the line that came out.

Everyone has their cross to bear. Ugh.

I nodded. I might have even said “thanks.” Then I walked away, and I felt worse than I had before. More alone. I felt heavier instead of lighter. I sat in my car for a few minutes before I turned the key.

That person wasn’t cruel. They were uncomfortable. They didn’t know what to say, so they said something, and that something made it all worse.

Here’s the part I don’t love admitting: I’ve been that person too. I’ve stood across from a friend in pain and felt my mouth go dry, and offered a quick fix, anything to fill the silence. When you don’t know what to say, saying nothing feels unbearable. So you say the wrong thing.

We’ve all been on both sides of this.

Someone tells you their kid is using drugs. Their marriage is falling apart. The scan came back, and the news was bad. You want to make it better. You have no idea how. And in that gap between wanting to help and knowing how, a lot of us say something we wish we could take back.

A few years ago, Susanna and I were sitting in a counselor’s office. At some point, she pulled up a short animated video by Brené Brown about the difference between empathy and sympathy.

I’ve never forgotten the heart of it:

Empathy fuels connection.
Sympathy drives disconnection.

Sympathy says, “That’s too bad,” from a safe distance. Empathy climbs down into the hole with you. It says, “I know it’s hard. I know you’re hurting. I have no idea what to say. But I’m here, and you’re not alone in this.”

Empathy is harder. It costs you something. You have to sit in the discomfort instead of rushing to fix it. You have to let the silence be awkward. The quick fix is really for us, not for them. It only ends the discomfort on our side of the table.

But that person came to you. Out of everyone they could have told, they chose you. That’s not a problem to solve. That’s an honor to hold.

So what do you actually do?

Lead with being present, not with solutions. You don’t need the right words. You need to stay there and get ok with silence. Try something simple: “I am so sorry. That has to be so hard. Tell me more.” Then shut up and listen.

If you want to go further, try this: “I know there’s nothing I can say to make this better. I just want you to know I’m here.” That one sentence does more than any advice you could offer.

Then keep showing up after the conversation ends. Send a short voice text a few days later, just to let them know they crossed your mind. I’ll often send a prayer. Empathy isn’t a single moment. It’s a pattern of showing up.

And one more. Whatever you do, don’t one-up their pain. Nobody hurting needs to hear about your great aunt’s hairdresser’s cousin who went through something “so much worse.” Their pain is their pain. It has no connection to anyone else’s.

I still get this wrong. But I’d rather sit in the discomfort with someone than leave them alone in it.

So here’s my question for you this week. Who in your life is carrying something heavy right now? Not the person who needs your advice. The person who needs you to climb down into the hole and say, “I’m here.”

They’ve probably already come to your mind as you read this.

Be the one who makes a difference.

See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.

I read a lot of biographies. They are a way to be mentored by people you’ll never meet in person. The author sits down across from you and tells you the truth about their life, and you walk away changed.

That happened to me with Viola Davis’ memoir, “Finding Me.”

If you only looked at where she started, you’d bet against her ever making it out. She grew up in Central Falls, Rhode Island, in the kind of poverty most of us only read about. Rats in the walls. An abandoned building with no running water. She went to school in clothes still damp with urine, because there was no way to wash them. She was abused by people who were supposed to protect her, including her own father and brother.

Stop and think about that. A little girl. No water, no safety, no reason to believe tomorrow would be any different. So how does a girl like that end up winning an Oscar?

Two things had to happen.

First, she decided. Somewhere inside her seemingly hopeless existence, Viola made up her mind that she was going to be something more. Not because anyone told her she could be. Because she refused to let her circumstances dictate her future.

Second, someone gave her a chance. When she was 15, a man named Bernard Masterson, who ran a performing arts school, saw her raw talent and handed her a scholarship. That single “yes” set a poor girl from Rhode Island on the road to becoming an Academy Award winner and, eventually, one of the few people alive to win an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony.

Now I have to be honest with you. I didn’t grow up like Viola. I grew up in a middle-class home with two parents who loved me. I never once wondered where my next meal would come from or whether I’d have clean clothes for school. My mom and dad gave us a great life. I had every advantage she didn’t.

And that’s exactly why her story is jarring for me.

Because if you had handed me Viola’s childhood, I’m not sure I would have made it out. Having all your needs met can make you soft. Comfort can make you OK with the status quo.

Not that I didn’t work and strive. I did. I had 31 years in corporate roles. A title, a salary, a calendar packed with meetings. From the outside, it looked like success. On the inside, I was at times one of the walking dead, going through the motions, telling myself that someday…I’ll bet on myself.

It took a brain surgery in 2018 to wake me up. Lying in that hospital bed, I wasn’t thinking about my title or my next promotion. I was thinking about whether I had done anything that actually mattered, and whether I had used the life God gave me for the reason He gave it.

There’s an old Cherokee birth blessing that Viola references in her book:

“May you live long enough to know why you were born.”

It doesn’t just say “may you live long.” It says, “May you live long enough to know why.” There’s a difference between being alive and knowing why you’re alive. Viola knew why. She had to fight through hell to live it out, but she knew.

So let me ask you the question I keep asking myself.

Are you living the life you were meant for? Or are you chasing comfort instead of significance? When do we finally turn the corner and start living for the reason we were put here, instead of for the next thing that makes us feel safe?

I’ll leave you with two questions to think about:

1. What’s the thing you were born to do that you keep putting off because comfort feels comfortable?

2. Who in your life is waiting for a yes? A young person with raw talent and nobody in their corner. The employee everyone else overlooks. You might give them the one “yes” that changes their entire life.

There is a day coming when you will take your last breath. Until that day, I pray that you will fulfill your purpose by serving those who are desperately waiting for your help.

See you next Sunday.

If you enjoyed this post, the best compliment I could receive would be for you to share it with one other person. Thank you.