A Case for Empathy

You have the power to make a difference in someone's life today

“Everyone has their cross to bear.”

I remember this statement all too well. A well-meaning person was trying to say something helpful when Susanna was going through health challenges early in our marriage. I walked away from that conversation feeling worse than I had before.

We’ve all been on the receiving end of an exchange like this. Perhaps someone shared that their kid is on drugs, their marriage is on the rocks, they’ve experienced a miscarriage, or they just got a really tough diagnosis. You want to make it better but you have no idea what to say. A few years ago, Susanna and I went to a counseling session during which our counselor shared this short video with us:

Empathy fuels connection and sympathy drives disconnection.

When you empathize with someone, you’re saying I know it’s hard, I know you’re hurting, I have no idea what to say, but I’m here. It takes more work to empathize. As this video points out, we are connecting with a person in the middle of their pain instead of trying to make it go away with a quick fix. It can be uncomfortable. But here’s the thing, something drew that person to you as someone who might help.

Here are some practical ideas on what you might say or do to better empathize with people going through difficulties:

• “I am so sorry. That has to be so hard. Tell me more about it.” Listen and ask questions. Don’t offer solutions.

• “Thank you for trusting me enough to share this. I am so sorry. Tell me more about what you are going through.” Listen and ask questions. Don’t offer solutions.

• “I know there’s nothing I can say to make this better. Just know I’m here for you.” Listen and ask questions. Don’t offer solutions.

• Set a reminder to send them regular voice texts of encouragement. Being a person of faith, I sometimes send prayers.

• Stifle the urge to talk about the hair stylist of your great aunt’s 4th cousin twice removed and how she went through a much worse situation.

I’ve gotten this wrong plenty of times. We can all get better. I hope this message served you today. Who needs your empathy? Make it an outstanding week!