I used LinkedIn like a scoreboard for years
Why external validation will never fill the tank inside
Listen here.
I use LinkedIn a lot, for sharing ideas, learning and keeping up with people I know. 5 years ago, I used it in a different, less helpful way. Invariably, I would see updates that would be some version of:
“I’m so humbled to announce my promotion to Vice President of…”
“Grateful to have been elected as Chairperson of…”
“Honored to share that I’ve been inducted into…”
And every single time, the same thought hit me: “What have I been doing with my life?”
Some were people I knew and others I didn’t know at all. They seemed to be getting positions, power, and money far beyond what I was achieving.
There I was, scrolling through their announcements, feeling like I had been left behind.
But nothing stung quite like the recognition lists.
30 Under 30.
40 Under 40.
20 in Their 20s. Really?
I’m still waiting patiently for a 50 Over 50 list.
Somehow, I’d convinced myself that making one of those lists would mean I’d finally arrived. That external validation would fill the tank inside.
I was using LinkedIn like a scoreboard, constantly measuring my progress against people who started at the same place I did. Always feeling behind someone. Always thinking the next promotion would finally put me where I belonged.
Everyone looked like they had it figured out. And everyone was thinking the same thing: “I’m not as successful as so-and-so. Therefore, I haven’t made it yet.”
But they never do. Just like the lists that keep creating new categories, the ladder keeps adding new rungs.
I started asking myself some uncomfortable questions:
Whose definition of success am I chasing?
What if I get all the recognition I want and still feel empty?
What would I actually want if I stopped comparing myself to everyone else?
The answers weren’t comfortable. I knew every benchmark for “success” in my industry, but I had no idea what fulfillment looked like for me personally.
My family wasn’t waiting for me to achieve a certain level of success before they respected me. They needed me present.
My team didn’t need me to receive external recognition for me to lead them. They needed me to serve them.
When I finally stopped measuring my life against other people’s posts, something shifted. I started asking what I actually wanted to build.
Not what would get me recognized. What would actually matter to me on my last day on earth.
Here’s the question that changed everything: What if the life you’re supposed to live has nothing to do with what others think about you?
Two years ago, I started writing this blog. Not because it would get me promoted. Not because it would land me on some list. I started it because it mattered to me. Nobody was asking for it. Nobody was measuring it against anyone else’s blog. It was just mine.
That’s your work this week.
Find one thing you’ve been wanting to do that has nothing to do with recognition. Maybe it’s a project. Perhaps it’s a conversation you’ve been avoiding. Maybe it’s saying no to something that looks impressive but doesn’t actually matter to you.
Pick it. Start it.
If you don’t know what that thing is yet, that’s okay. Start by noticing what you’re drawn to when nobody’s watching. What do you read about? What problems do you want to solve? What makes you lose track of time? Pay attention to that this week. The answer’s probably already showing up in small ways.
The LinkedIn posts aren’t going away. The comparison trap will still be there tomorrow.
But your real work, the thing that makes you feel alive? That’s yours to build.
Today is a great day to start.
Hello Tarek, I think many of us that spent time in the corporate world fall into the same mode when we start using LinkedIn or other platform. We continue to write in "corporate speak" or "successful mode" because that's what we've been doing for some time. As we continue to build as a solopreneur, drop the corporate culture and become willing to dig deeper into who we truly are and what we offer to others, it shows in how and what we write about. At least that has been my experience. I hope all is well with you!