Let me know if there's anything I can do for you
on helping someone in trauma
“Hey, let me know if there’s anything you need or anything I can do for you.”
Odds are, you have said a version of this to someone who has experienced trauma. I know I have. There’s a better thing to say and do. We’ll get back to that here in a minute.
Last Sunday happened to be my birthday. Around 130 AM, Susanna and I were awoken from a deep sleep to the sound of our phones blaring a tornado warning. After checking our local weather stream, I realized this wasn’t a drill. We grabbed our dogs and rode the storm out in the best place possible. We had no idea what to expect when we emerged from our house at around 3 AM. The first thing I saw was a 100-year-old oak tree lying across our neighbor’s driveway, smashing their Honda Pilot. At some point, we returned to bed and slept for a few hours, hoping it had all been a bad dream.
Unfortunately, it was not. The wreckage of our neighborhood was revealed during the light of day. Our house was spared, but many others weren’t. Downed trees in yards and smashed-through homes were just a block away. No one had power. Why was our home spared? I have no answer to that question.
However, what has happened over the last week has been nothing short of amazing. Neighbors helped each other. We moved in groups from house to house, cutting limbs and dragging them to the street. Food and water showed up. We met neighbors we’d never connected with as we were bonded by this surreal experience. I could go on and on about how this week has impacted me. I’m still processing it.
But back to you. Everyone reading this blog has experienced trauma. It could be extreme weather, a health event, or losing a loved one. None of us is immune.
Here’s what I know. You don’t know what you need when you're going through it. Also, you probably won’t ask for help because you don’t want to seem needy. So, how do you really help someone who has experienced trauma? Here’s the secret: Don’t ask, just show up.
Don’t ask. Just show up.
Here are four examples of how people showed up:
Show up and help. A grade school buddy showed up with his boys and a chainsaw to cut up a leaning tree branch that had narrowly missed our home. Once we cleaned up our yard, we spent the rest of the day helping our neighbor across the street.
Show up and bring food. Two friends texted one day that they were bringing tacos for lunch. The food was great, but the company was better. They lifted my spirits and made me feel more normal.
Show up and listen. A friend listened patiently as I told her how the storm affected us. She never once cut me off. That was a gift. Perhaps our greatest need as humans is to feel seen and heard, but we so rarely receive it.
Show up by calling instead of texting. A friend who had been through a storm like this before called to check on me. He commented, “Tarek, texts are great, but sometimes you just need to hear someone’s voice.” He was right. That call made my day.
It’s normal not to know how to help. I hope this will give you some fresh ideas on serving people walking through hard times. Do you have other ideas? Please share them in the comments.
Who is one person you could serve this week? Don’t think—just reach out. Have a wonderful and impactful week.
If you got value from this post, would you mind forwarding it to a friend? They can click the link below to receive a message each Sunday on making personal growth a way of life. Thank you!
Great tips. Sometimes collective trauma does bring people together and brings more peace during times of trouble. I'm happy to hear that you both and the doggies are ok!
I'm glad you and your family are fine, Tarek!