Optimizing for Peace

What do you do when your value feels tied to your to-do list?

Listen here.

Sunset at Windansea Beach / San Diego in 2024

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”

Susanna asked me this a few days into my first week without a job. I left my corporate career on December 19th after 21 years at the same company. This was my first non-holiday week with nowhere to be, and I was already grinding in my mind.

I didn’t have a good answer for her. The truth is, I don’t know how to rest. I don’t even know what that looks like.

That Monday morning, I’d gotten up early like I always do. Workout done. Prayer time done. Journaling done. Normally, I’d shower and head to the office, but there was no cubicle anymore. No meetings. No appointments. No deadlines others had set for me.

And yet I felt this urge to put a bunch of to-dos on my list. I wanted to write this blog. I wanted to go through some coaching training I’d been planning. I wanted to work on my book. My mind was building a checklist that didn’t even exist yet.

Can I be vulnerable with you for a moment? I feel like I have to earn my worth every day. When I’m not checking things off a list, I feel less valuable as a person. Like I haven’t done enough to justify my existence.

Ouch.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you are in a much healthier mental space than me. I think we’re all products of our upbringing, our environment, our circumstances. I’m not going to get into that today. But I do think it’s a question worth sitting with.

The truth is, there aren’t enough boxes to check. When you’re in that headspace, where you keep trying to accomplish things to finally feel like you’ve met the mark, it’s a game you lose before you even start. Even if I got everything done (which is impossible by the way), something would have to give. I’d put Susanna on the back burner. I’d neglect my friends. I’d get it all done and be sitting there by myself (cue Celine Dion).

So what am I actually optimizing for?

I posted this question on Substack Notes recently. If you were optimizing for peace, what would you do differently? The responses were great.

Mohamed Fadel said: “One thing above all else - let go of what no longer serves me.”

Sara Benna kept it simple: “Exercise often, love intensely, laugh loudly.”

Dave Hill shared something I keep coming back to:

“Regret looks backward, anxiety looks forward, peace is found in the moment.”

I’ve spent a lot of my life looking backward and forward. Not much time in the present. That’s what the achievement mindset does. It keeps you everywhere except right where you are now.

So what does it look like to optimize for peace instead? I’m figuring this out in real-time, and you get to learn alongside me. But here’s one thing I know: when I serve someone else, I get out of my own head. Even something as small as sending a text to check on a friend. It sounds simple, but it works. Peace isn’t found in finishing the checklist. It’s found in connecting with others.

Clearly, I don’t have it all figured out. I am a work in progress, just like you. I have been using Pause app this week to focus my mind on God. That has helped quiet the noise as I begin my day. I’ve also tried breath work and taking walks to clear my head.

What about you? If you were optimizing for peace rather than productivity, what would you start doing? What would you stop doing? What would you continue doing?

Reply and let me know. I will read and respond to every email or comment.

See y’all next Sunday.

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