Stop Collecting Failures. Start Creating Growth.

The fastest way to keep your best people is the simplest: talk to them.

Listen here

I was starving for feedback. Any feedback. My micromanager boss, Jeff, gave me nothing at all for an entire year. Not even a throwaway "good job.” No "here's how you could improve" after difficult meetings.

Just silence.

So when annual review time came, I walked into his office eager for direction. Finally, I'd learn what I was doing well. Where I could grow. How to get better.

I sat down across from his desk. Jeff leaned back in his chair, opened a manila folder labeled "Tarek" and began to flip through it.

"Remember that VP meeting seven months ago?" He didn't even look up. "You weren't thorough enough in your analysis. I didn’t like the way you handled it."

My stomach dropped. Seven months ago? I can’t remember what I had for breakfast a few hours ago.

He wasn’t done. Four more "incidents" from his collection of my sins. Each one was timestamped months in the past. Each one was a failure I'd apparently been repeating without knowing it.

Exactly zero positive feedback. Just a catalog of my shortcomings, delivered all at once, months after they could have helped me improve.

He closed the folder and said, "I'm giving you a 'needs improvement.'"

I’m a slow processor. I didn’t know how to feel in the moment. Dejected doesn't cover it. As I walked out of his office, I made a decision: I was done. Not just with Jeff. With the company. With any leader who thought collecting failures was the same as developing people.

Within months, I'd found a new job.

My new boss, Gary, changed everything I understood about feedback. After my first big presentation, he pulled me aside.

"Tarek, you were well prepared. But next time, give Jim a preview before the meeting. Nobody likes to be blindsided in front of their peers."

Real-time. Specific. Actionable.

That conversation took three minutes.

Gary caught me doing things right and told me immediately. When I missed the mark, he told me that too. Not months later. Not in some annual ambush. Right then, when I could actually do something about it.

The difference in my confidence was staggering. Under Jeff, I walked on eggshells, constantly anxious, always feeling like I was not enough. Under Gary, I grew faster than I ever thought possible.

Leadership expert Karin Hurt nails it when she says that "Feedback is not about catching people doing things wrong. It's about helping them get it right."

Leaders, be honest with yourself: how intentional are you with the feedback you give your team?

Think about the last piece of feedback you gave. Was it close to the event? Did the person know exactly what to do differently? Or did you file it away for someday?

I’d like to share with you the 3 T's of Transformative Feedback:

Timely: Within 24 to 48 hours. Period. The excuse "I'm too busy" doesn’t cut it. If you want to help your team get better. Do it now. You had time to complain about it to your peers. You have time to give feedback that moves people forward.

Targeted: "Be more strategic" is lazy talk. "Joe, in yesterday's meeting, when you presented the numbers without context, the team got lost. Next time, start by talking about why your project matters to the company. Bring them into the bigger picture." That's feedback Joe can use and act upon.

Together: This one is the most powerful. Start having two-way conversations. Ask: "How did you think that went?" "What would you do differently?" When people participate in their own development, they own it.

Every time you withhold feedback, you're telling your team:

• You're not worth my time

• I'd rather document your failures than prevent them

• Not having an uncomfortable conversation matters more than your growth

They feel it. That anxiety of not knowing where they stand with you. The suspicion that somewhere, there's a manila folder with their name on it (OK, in 2025, it’s probably not a manila folder but a Word doc).

And here's what that costs you: When your best people leave, they take more than their skills. They take institutional knowledge. Client relationships. Team morale. The other high performers start updating their resumes, wondering if they're next. Your team becomes a revolving door of mediocrity because the only people who stay are the ones with nowhere else to go.

If you’re reading this far, I assume that you don’t want that to be your legacy.

When I lead teams now, I don't sleep on feedback. Something needs to be said? I say it within 48 hours. I let them ask questions. I make sure I understand their perspective. I praise in public and correct in private.

Do I always get this right? Of course not. But it’s a priority for me, because I never forgot the ambush I experienced in Jeff’s office all those years ago.

So, what’s next? Look at your calendar for this week. How many coaching conversations are you planning to have?

If the answer is zero, here’s a place to start:

• Pick one team member who's struggling. Give them one specific piece of feedback

• Pick another who's thriving. Tell them exactly what they're doing right

• Adopt a mindset that says “my feedback is fuel for my team’s future”

Imagine walking into work knowing your team trusts you. They know where they stand. They're growing faster, performing better, and actually want to stick around because you're invested in their success. They seek out feedback because they know it makes them better, not bitter.

That team’s potential is waiting on the other side of your discomfort and procrastination.

Stop collecting failures. Start creating growth.

Your team is counting on you. Don't let them down.

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