Stop Collecting Failures. Start Creating Growth.
The fastest way to keep your best people is the simplest: talk to them.
Listen here
I was starving for feedback. Any feedback. My micromanager boss, Jeff, gave me nothing at all for an entire year. Not even a throwaway "good job.” No "here's how you could improve" after difficult meetings.
Just silence.
So when annual review time came, I walked into his office eager for direction. Finally, I'd learn what I was doing well. Where I could grow. How to get better.
I sat down across from his desk. Jeff leaned back in his chair, opened a manila folder labeled "Tarek" and began to flip through it.
"Remember that VP meeting seven months ago?" He didn't even look up. "You weren't thorough enough in your analysis. I didn’t like the way you handled it."
My stomach dropped. Seven months ago? I can’t remember what I had for breakfast a few hours ago.
He wasn’t done. Four more "incidents" from his collection of my sins. Each one was timestamped months in the past. Each one was a failure I'd apparently been repeating without knowing it.
Exactly zero positive feedback. Just a catalog of my shortcomings, delivered all at once, months after they could have helped me improve.
He closed the folder and said, "I'm giving you a 'needs improvement.'"
I’m a slow processor. I didn’t know how to feel in the moment. Dejected doesn't cover it. As I walked out of his office, I made a decision: I was done. Not just with Jeff. With the company. With any leader who thought collecting failures was the same as developing people.
Within months, I'd found a new job.
My new boss, Gary, changed everything I understood about feedback. After my first big presentation, he pulled me aside.
"Tarek, you were well prepared. But next time, give Jim a preview before the meeting. Nobody likes to be blindsided in front of their peers."
Real-time. Specific. Actionable.
That conversation took three minutes.
Gary caught me doing things right and told me immediately. When I missed the mark, he told me that too. Not months later. Not in some annual ambush. Right then, when I could actually do something about it.
The difference in my confidence was staggering. Under Jeff, I walked on eggshells, constantly anxious, always feeling like I was not enough. Under Gary, I grew faster than I ever thought possible.
Leadership expert Karin Hurt nails it when she says that "Feedback is not about catching people doing things wrong. It's about helping them get it right."
Leaders, be honest with yourself: how intentional are you with the feedback you give your team?
Think about the last piece of feedback you gave. Was it close to the event? Did the person know exactly what to do differently? Or did you file it away for someday?
I’d like to share with you the 3 T's of Transformative Feedback:
Timely: Within 24 to 48 hours. Period. The excuse "I'm too busy" doesn’t cut it. If you want to help your team get better. Do it now. You had time to complain about it to your peers. You have time to give feedback that moves people forward.
Targeted: "Be more strategic" is lazy talk. "Joe, in yesterday's meeting, when you presented the numbers without context, the team got lost. Next time, start by talking about why your project matters to the company. Bring them into the bigger picture." That's feedback Joe can use and act upon.
Together: This one is the most powerful. Start having two-way conversations. Ask: "How did you think that went?" "What would you do differently?" When people participate in their own development, they own it.
Every time you withhold feedback, you're telling your team:
You're not worth my time
I'd rather document your failures than prevent them
Not having an uncomfortable conversation matters more than your growth
They feel it. That anxiety of not knowing where they stand with you. The suspicion that somewhere, there's a manila folder with their name on it (OK, in 2025, it’s probably not a manila folder but a Word doc).
And here's what that costs you: When your best people leave, they take more than their skills. They take institutional knowledge. Client relationships. Team morale. The other high performers start updating their resumes, wondering if they're next. Your team becomes a revolving door of mediocrity because the only people who stay are the ones with nowhere else to go.
If you’re reading this far, I assume that you don’t want that to be your legacy.
When I lead teams now, I don't sleep on feedback. Something needs to be said? I say it within 48 hours. I let them ask questions. I make sure I understand their perspective. I praise in public and correct in private.
Do I always get this right? Of course not. But it’s a priority for me, because I never forgot the ambush I experienced in Jeff’s office all those years ago.
So, what’s next? Look at your calendar for this week. How many coaching conversations are you planning to have?
If the answer is zero, here’s a place to start:
Pick one team member who's struggling. Give them one specific piece of feedback
Pick another who's thriving. Tell them exactly what they're doing right
Adopt a mindset that says “my feedback is fuel for my team’s future”
Imagine walking into work knowing your team trusts you. They know where they stand. They're growing faster, performing better, and actually want to stick around because you're invested in their success. They seek out feedback because they know it makes them better, not bitter.
That team’s potential is waiting on the other side of your discomfort and procrastination.
Stop collecting failures. Start creating growth.
Your team is counting on you. Don't let them down.
Thank you for the post Tarek. Always nuggets of learnings for our personal and professional lives. You inspire this ole timer to meditate on yesterday, TODAY, and tomorrow. Wonderful memories that at the time may not have felt like “wonderful” yet lessons in life for TODAY.
“If with pleasure you are viewing any work one is doing, if you like it, if you love it, tell them, now.” — Paul Harvey, friend of Sam Walton describing Mr. Sam at his Memorial in April 1992.
Paul Harvey (radio personality) said he had never known anyone that mastered the art of asking questions more so than his friend Sam. In asking the many questions he then listened better than others. He genuinely was curious and wanted to know how people thought and perceived whatever the topic or situation.
He said Mr. Sam taught people personal growth from their “own” replies to his questions to them.
Mr. Sam told me in the mid-80s that people know 80 to 90% of the answers to his questions. When they answered the questions and he agreed with them he would say “I believe you are right, that is what we need to do.” By answering his questions and then answering them with our own opinions, thoughts, and ideas the ownership then fell on us because we came up with the answer to take action on whatever needed to be done. Whoever created the problem is the best person to correct it.
This first lesson memory for me was when Mr. Sam asked me why I kept telling associates what to do in the stores when they already knew what to do. Don’t talk down to people David. Build them up. Ask questions. Help them find answers to whatever problems they are facing. Respect their ways of doing things. You never know, they may find a better way to arrive at the needed or wanted end result. Your responsibility is to serve them. Stop always taking the lead. One cannot be a great leader if one is not a great follower.
“Retail 101” from Mr. Sam
Now as a 60 year old looking back it was “Life 101” Mr. Sam taught this young country plowboy from West Tennessee, and many others. 50+ years older than me, yet the Founder of Walmart gave a 20 year or so a valuable possession, his time. Every visit.
Something to be said to truly listen to those who have lived many years on this earth. Thank you to my parents for teaching me to respect my elders. It came natural and easy as a young adult to do so with Mr. Sam and others.
Maybe the greatest lessons in my life came from a 70 year or so hourly associate Billy, a mechanic in the WMT Auto Center. Maybe another day to share the countless lessons from him. Grateful for Billy’s stern words to his “supervisor”, me, many times.
1 Peter 5:5
Both young and old can benefit from Peter’s instructions. Pride often keeps older people from trying to understand young people and keeps young people from listening to those who are older. Peter told both young and old to be humble and to serve each other. Respect those who are older than you, listen to those younger than you, and be humble enough to admit that you can learn from others.
— Life Application Study Bible