10 Leadership Lessons: Part 3

Embrace Who You Are

This is part 3 of my series, sharing the top 10 leadership lessons I've learned over the past 30 years. Read the introduction here: Building a Bridge.

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“Comparison is the thief of joy. - Theodore Roosevelt

Listen here.

I walked past those glass-front VP offices every day.

"One day, I'll be in one of those," I told myself. I wanted the respect that came with the title. The validation. The proof that I'd finally made it.

What I didn't ask was whether I would be good at those jobs. Or whether climbing that ladder would fill the hole I felt inside.

I was so busy trying to inhabit someone else's version of success that I didn’t think about my own.

The Trap

Here's the thing about comparison: it's rigged. You're comparing your path to someone else's. Their glass office to your cubicle. Their strengths to your weaknesses.

But you never see the entire picture. The sleepless nights. The urgent late-night texts and emails. The family dinners missed. The stress they carry around due to the constant pressure.

All I wanted to do was make it. The problem is, I never stopped to ask what “it” was.

After brain surgery changed everything for me, I started asking different questions.

What really mattered to me?

I got better at being me. My goal now is simple: to look back each year and ask, 'Am I growing my relationship with God, with my family, and am I adding value to others?’ My talents. My priorities. Not someone else's.

Let’s get into Lessons 6 - 8.

Lesson #6: Compare yourself to the version of yourself a year ago

For most of my career, I assumed what others wanted was what I should want. Because I never had strong mentors, I wasn’t challenged to think for myself and own my unique story and gifts.

The VP office became my measuring stick. But measuring sticks lie. They tell you where you rank against others within a particular environment, the pecking order.

What they don’t tell you is whether you're becoming who you're meant to be.

The shift happened when I stopped looking at the ladder and started looking in the mirror. What am I good at? What naturally gives me energy? When do I feel most alive and aligned with who I was created to be?

Here's what this looks like practically:

• Keep a simple journal. I like pen and paper. Write in it every day. If you miss a day, don’t beat yourself up. Write down what went well and what didn’t go so well. Journaling is the best way to process your feelings. Pick one thing to get better at tomorrow.

• Celebrate progress. The big and the small stuff. You landed a customer startup project that generated new revenue. You helped a coworker navigate a challenging work relationship.

• Ask yourself: "What would the me from a year ago think about how I handled that situation?" Give yourself credit for progress.

The best version of you is not constantly competing with others. You're competing with the person you were a year ago. You’re on the path to discovering and fulfilling a mission that you were born for.

Lesson #7: Reject perfection as a pursuit

School trains us for 16+ years to find the "right" answer. The corporate world doesn't work that way. There is often no correct answer.

I learned this the hard way on a forecasting project early in my career. My boss wanted me to take demand projections “out to ten decimal points instead of four." What? We were forecasting sales for next year, not trying to get to Mars.

The extra precision added exactly zero value. Actually, a negative value because rounding to whole numbers would have produced the same result.

Pareto's rule still applies: 80% of the benefit comes from 20% of the effort.

The truth is that perfection is procrastination in disguise. It can be more about your ego than adding real value. While you're polishing your analysis, the best performers are making quicker decisions and adjusting as they go.

Get comfortable with:

• Making decisions with incomplete information

• Get in motion. As John Maxwell says, “get the car moving so you can steer it.”

• Being wrong quickly rather than right slowly

The bottom line? Done beats perfect.

Lesson #8: When someone praises you, say "Thank you."

"Tarek, I really got a lot out of the lesson you taught today," Cheryl said after I taught Sunday school one day.

My response? "Oh, it was nothing. I just followed the outline."

I thought I was being the humble church guy. What I actually did was rob Cheryl of the gift she was trying to give me.

The better response? "Thank you."

That's it. Two words that let people know you heard them and their comment landed.

Why this matters: When you deflect compliments, you train people to stop giving them. When you accept them gracefully, you create space for genuine connection with others.

Practice this:

• Resist the urge to explain why the compliment isn't deserved

• Don't immediately redirect praise to someone else

• Just say "thank you" and let there be a moment of silence

Accepting praise isn't vain. It shows respect for the person who is generous enough to give it. You possess gifts that are uniquely yours.

When someone acknowledges these gifts, accept them and receive their praise as confirmation.

The Choice

Some of you reading this were born for significant roles in companies and possess the skills to be exceptional servant leaders. Go all in!

However, many can spend their career and, frankly, their life trying to fit someone else's mold of success. Chasing their version of perfect.

Or you can embrace who you are. Grow at your own pace. Make decisions and adjust. Accept that you were made to do something great with your life.

The world doesn't need another copy.

You will never be comfortable in your own skin trying to be someone else.

The best thing you can do is get good at being YOU.

Next week: Leadership Lessons #9 and #10 - "Build Before You Lead." Because mastering yourself comes before mastering anything else.

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