Chasing Shadows
The empty promise of more
Listen to this week’s post here:
"The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money."
- Unknown
Former Wall Street Trader Sam Polk described the moment when he realized something was deeply wrong with his life. “In my last year on Wall Street, my bonus was $3.6 million — and I was angry because it wasn’t big enough.”1
I won’t ever achieve Sam’s level of success. However, for most of my life, I believed that chasing an ever-moving target of "more"—achievements, recognition, and possessions — was the ticket to fulfillment. Surely, the next “thing” would finally bring that elusive sense of satisfaction I craved. I pictured myself standing atop a mountain, finally reaching the summit.
I recently met Albert. He lives in an assisted living facility with his wife of 60 years. Much to her father’s dismay, their love story began when she was just 16 and he was 19. What struck me most wasn't his extraordinary devotion to his wife but Albert's profound insight into success. He proudly recounted how he taught his children that no matter their chosen profession, they should use it as a platform to serve others. Tears welled in his eyes as he recounted a recent story of his son, a traveling physical therapist, who loaded his car with firewood to ensure one of his clients stayed warm during an especially cold week.
Looking back, I realize how much energy I have wasted trying to fill an internal void with external achievements. It's like trying to satisfy your thirst by taking a big gulp of water from the Pacific Ocean – the more you drink, the thirstier you become.
So, how do you begin to shift your perspective? Here are three ideas:
1. Start a "Random Acts of Impact" challenge: For the next week, find one way each day to make someone else's life better. Buy a stranger’s cup of coffee. Compliment a stressed-out mom on how well she’s doing with her young kids.
2. Conduct a "Value Alignment Audit": Pull up your calendar and spending from the past month. What percentage of your time and resources went toward things that truly matter to you? What changes could you make to align your life more closely with who you want to be? Tarek’s confession time: I spend too much money going out to eat. Eating at home more would make more resources available to serve others.
3. Find a Role Model: Identify someone who regularly pursues significance by adding value to others. Find an Albert who can speak into your life and make it better. They are out there if you will look.
I hope this message served you today. Go make this week count!
"I rescued you from a single-wide!" my husband jokes once in awhile. But I loved my life in that single-wide! Thirty some-odd years ago I was a single mom and moving to that single-wide saved me $200 a month in rent. Not only that, it was a mile from the Pacific ocean and a few miles from the lake I wind-surfed in. I wasn't "in" that single-wide much at all...I was "on vacation" every weekend...enjoying emotional freedom and outdoor activities for the first time in my life. And besides, the park was small and really nice, settled into the hills of magenta flowering ice plant ivy the owner had painstakingly planted twenty years prior. Now I live in a relatively small cabin with a huge floor to ceiling stone fire place. I'm surrounded by space, wild animals, and a gorgeous view out the windows. I also have quite a few homes around me, and most are quite large. Two people asked me this in the same week. "Are you ok living in that small cabin?" To me, this small cabin is the mansion I never imagined living in. And in less than an hour it's clean and I'm back outside.
Well said. One thing I pay a lot of attention to, having worked in the family retail business for 20 years, is going out of my way to thank the clerk at the check out counter, server or kid who just served my popcorn at the theater. A significant portion of people treat these people like the personal complaints department of life, and clearly look down on them. So many of the young people / anyone doing these jobs get very jaded about society as a result.
I’ve spent half my working experience in retail and half what most would consider a socially esteemed job. I often appraise real estate worth many millions of dollars. Working Retail is easily 10x as hard.
We can do a lot of good by lifting up those around us with just short interactions, and they’ll go on to treat their coworkers and other customers even better. They’ll go home with a better attitude and be more positive around their families. I think we’ve really downplayed the “little” interactions with strangers as unimportant, when often they’re the most important.