Let's be friends...deal?

The quality of your friendships will reflect the quality of your life

British anthropologist Robin Dunbar theorized that humans could have no more than 150 meaningful relationships. This became known as Dunbar’s number. That seems like a lot, doesn’t it? However, the more important question in my mind is, what is the quality of those relationships?

Arthur Brooks divides friendships into two categories: real friends and deal friends.¹ Deal friends are those from whom you either want something, or they want something from you. The relationship can be mutually beneficial. Perhaps it’s borrowing a lawn mower, helping on a work project, picking up the kids from soccer practice, or getting a ride to the office. You do something for me, and I’ll do something for you.

Real friends are the ones who want nothing from you. They ask how you are doing and wait for you to answer. You may not see them that often but can pick up as if no time had passed. These are relationships based on trust, love, and mutual respect.

Here are three big ideas for you today:

1. Of the people closest to you, what’s the percentage of real friends?

2. Are you a giver or a taker? Do people feel better when they’ve been with you, or is their energy depleted because you only talked about yourself?

3. How much of a real friend are you? Think of your top 5 relationships. Are you more interested in what they can do for you or how you can serve them?

The more you are a real friend to others, the more quality people you will attract into your life. Take stock and be a real friend to someone this week without expecting anything in return. Higher quality relationships will mean a higher quality of life. Change starts with us. Have an outstanding week!

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1. I highly recommend Arthur's book "From Strength to Strength"