One Foot In, One Foot Out

On the value of necessary endings, new beginnings and not wishing your time away

Listen here.

A few days ago, I sent a text to some friends who had retired from the same company before I did. My question was, “How long did it take you to stop thinking about our company?” I have been struggling recently with how to hold my old career in one hand and my new career in the other.

One friend just called me instead of texting me back. He told me about an earlier part of his career, when stock awards would vest each summer. Around the office, the mantra was always the same: “June’s coming!” The money would roll in (and you probably already had it earmarked for something), but then what was next? Well, NEXT June is always coming.

Looking back, he said it was like wishing huge buckets of time away in the prime of your life. Waiting for the next thing. The next arrival point. But the longer you live, the more you realize that the one thing you can never get back is time.

I left my 30-year corporate career three months ago. It was my choice. They wanted me to stay. But I decided that pursuing a dream of building a leadership coaching practice was worth it.

What I didn’t expect was the identity crisis.

Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I don’t mean to be. But when you’re that tied to an organization, to a title, to a routine, to a place, your identity gets woven into all of it. You don’t realize how much until you’re standing in your home office on a Tuesday afternoon at 2 pm, wondering what your old teammates are up to.

I realized that I’ve been walking around with one foot in the old identity and one foot in the new. And if you’ve ever tried that, you know it doesn’t really work. It just leaves you unsettled.

Last week, I had the privilege to speak to around 80 college students on two campuses about taking responsibility for their future success. These are students who’ve spent 16+ years being measured by letter grades, and now many of them are worried about getting jobs in a tough market. Will the investment pay off? Will they be able to support a family one day? Was the degree worth it?

What hit me was this: they’re at the very beginning of a cycle I just stepped off of. Graduation. Job. Marriage. House. Kids. Retirement. Each one feels like an arrival. Each one promises that when you get there, you can rest in comfort.

But that ends up being an empty promise. I can tell you from experience. You get there, and you start looking for the next thing. That’s the thing nobody tells you. Having achievement goals isn’t the issue. The problem is believing that who you are is defined by what you do.

So what changed for me? Honestly, it was that 15-minute call with my friend. Hearing someone a little further down the road say, “Yeah, I still think about it too.” There was something freeing about that. I wasn’t crazy. I was just human.

Here’s the blessing. After that call, something shifted. Very simply, I felt permission to move on. I just felt God giving me the space to truly embrace this new adventure and go after it. To stop looking back at who I was and start becoming who I’m supposed to be.

Whether you’ve recently left a career that defined you for decades or you’re a college student who is about to walk across the stage in May, the challenge is the same. Be intentional about letting go of the old identity. The one built on titles, grades, org charts, or someone else’s measuring stick. Embrace the season you’re actually in, not the one you just left.

And do not try to figure it out alone. I’m not. I have my own coach. Find those people. Mentors. Friends who are a few steps ahead. People who’ve been where you are and can tell you the truth: it’s hard, it takes longer than you think, and it’s worth it.

Your life is full of necessary endings. They feel like losses in the moment, and some of them are. But every necessary ending is also a door. You just have to be willing to walk through it.

Give yourself permission to become someone new. That’s not quitting who you were. That’s getting excited for what’s next.

Thank you, Steve, for that phone call.

See you next Sunday.

P.S. I want to welcome new readers from Harding University and the University of Arkansas! Glad you joined us.

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