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“The older you do get, the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow.
You gotta keep livin’ man. L-I-V-I-N.”
-David Wooderson 1
“Hey, I’m sorry it took me so long to answer your text!”
”I’m sorry I didn’t answer your email last night. I was asleep.”
"Sorry I didn’t answer your call, I was eating with my family."
Sorry, sorry, sorry….
Why are we so sorry for things that are either out of our control or that we shouldn’t be sorry for? Why do we feel compelled to apologize for having lives outside of our daily obligations?
The Guilt-Apology Cycle
It's become almost reflexive in our hyper-connected world - we apologize for being on vacation, sleeping, and spending time with our families. These aren't mere words; they're manifestations of a deeper internal struggle. Each "sorry" carries the weight of imagined disappointment, a self-imposed burden we've learned to bear in our quest to be perpetually available and to never inconvenience others.
When did we start believing that choosing life over work deserved an apology?
The Hidden Cost of Unnecessary Apologies
These constant apologies damage our well-being. Every time we say “sorry” for setting healthy boundaries, we reinforce the narrative that our basic needs are somehow inconvenient or wrong. It's a subtle form of self-betrayal, chipping away at our self-worth one apology at a time.
The irony is that while we think these apologies make us more considerate of others, they often achieve the opposite. They set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others, creating a culture where basic human needs become sources of shame rather than natural parts of life.
Breaking Free from the Sorry Cycle
Through my own journey of unlearning this habit, I've discovered that the path to change begins with a simple shift in perspective. Instead of viewing our needs as inconveniences, we can start seeing them as essential components of our effectiveness and well-being. Here are some ideas:
Quit apologizing for being human - If you don’t prioritize yourself and your needs, no one else will.
Own your boundaries - Your vacation time, lunch breaks, and family moments aren't violations; they're vital investments in yourself as a real person.
Practice self-compassion - Ask yourself, "Would I expect an apology from someone else in this situation?"
The next time you feel that familiar urge to apologize for simply living your life, pause. Stop and remember: You don't owe anyone an apology for taking care of yourself. Your well-being isn't a disruption - it's the foundation upon which your best life is built.
Life is too precious to spend it in a continual state of apology. You are worth it. Today is the day to start L-I-V-I-N, man, one unapologetic moment at a time.
Wow, Tarek! I think I do that all the time! I can't remember instances but it resonates all the same. The other day I was just getting started on a project when my cell rang and I knew from the name on the screen that I would be on the phone for quite awhile. I answered it, then resolved to quit answering these calls during certain hours in my studio. A part of me felt guilt, as if I wasn't prioritizing a human over my own wants. But I do realize boundaries are healthy and meeting my own needs isn't the opposite of caring about others. Put your oxygen mask on yourself first, right?
THIS IS MY SOAPBOX TOPIC!!!!!! 🤣