When Did You Stop Being You?
Summoning the courage to embrace your uniqueness
Listen to today’s post here!
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse“Fix You” - Coldplay
Unless you’re under a rock, you’ve heard of the band Coldplay. My friend Scott recently sent me a video of Chris Martin singing “Fix You” with Jacob Collier - someone I had never heard of. It stopped me in my tracks. You just have to watch it to believe it.
Jacob's journey is fascinating because it started in the most authentic place possible – his room. As a kid in London, he wasn't trying to be famous. He was just being himself, creating elaborate multitrack videos of his musical arrangements, layering his voice and instruments in ways that defied conventional wisdom. He wasn't following a formula — he was following his curiosity.
What's remarkable is that when these homemade videos started gaining attention, Jacob didn't suddenly try to become more commercial. Instead, he leaned even harder into his uniqueness. There was a young musician who could have quickly tried to fit into the pop music mold but instead chose to create music that sometimes uses microtonality – notes that exist between the piano keys.
Who does that?
Someone who's not trying to be anyone else.
This is the opposite of my story. Until a brain infection1 turned my life upside down, I thought the key to success was to imitate people with gifts that were the opposite of mine. I’d get mad that I could replicate them. I spent many years thinking less of myself because of this mental trap.
Trying to be someone else is exhausting. It's like wearing shoes that don't quite fit. With each step, you’re constantly reminded that, at the end of the day, all you will have are blisters.
What strikes me most about Jacob's story is how his mother, a violin teacher at the Royal Academy of Music, nurtured his unique musical voice instead of forcing him into a traditional classical path.2
Sometimes, our authenticity needs permission to emerge. But here's the truth – no one else will give you that permission.
You must do it yourself.
So, how do we stop this cycle of imitation? Here are three ideas:
Notice the 'shoulds.' When you think, "I should be more like..." Pause. That's the first clue you're drifting from your calling.
Pay attention to your energy. What lights you up? What makes you forget to check your phone? That's your authentic self trying to get your attention. For me, it’s connecting with people and helping them see what they could be. What is it for you?
Start a 'uniquely me' list. Write down the things that make you different from others — quirks, opportunities you notice that others miss. How could you embrace those gifts instead of pushing them down?
If you keep trying to be someone else, you will rob the world of your unique gifts. The position of being you is available, and you're the only one qualified for the job. There are problems only you can solve. There are people out there only you can help.
Today is a great day to make your list and become who you were always meant to be.
Have a wonderful week! Let me know how I can serve you.
Thanks for sharing, I love the idea of the "uniquely you" list 😊
Tarek...this reminded me of a part of my own story. I had been a hippie before my life changed and I became a Christian. Then I 'toned it down" a little, but I was still "different" from the church attenders I now surrounded myself with. I ended up moving from Los Angeles to a town in New Mexico and began attending a semi-large church. There, the women wore a lot of makeup, teased their curls, and always had lots of lipstick that matched their nails. Coming from a small church in Los Angeles that had embraced and loved me back to life, I was shocked to find a total lack of acceptance from the women at this new church. I cut my hair, began wearing a lot of makeup, and had my nails done. Surprise! I was suddenly accepted into the inner circle of women. Instead of relief I felt anger. I let my hair grow back out, wiped off the lipstick, and put my bell-bottom jeans back on.