Who Is Your Neighbor?

Changing the world starts with me

I’ve tried to write this blog for two years now. I will quote a poet and talk about politics, Jesus, and other topics that may feel uncomfortable.

You can skip this one if you want to, but I hope you won’t.

Try the audio version if you haven’t done so before.

Let’s go.

Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in this world, but it has not solved one yet.
—Maya Angelou

One day, Jesus talked to a religious “professional” (people I tend to struggle with) who asked him what it took to get to heaven. Jesus told him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Wanting to ensure he got his answer right, the man asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?”¹

Jesus then tells a story about a man who was attacked by robbers and left for dead by the side of the road. Two people came upon the injured man. The first walked to the other side to avoid him, while the second man went directly to him and helped restore him to health.

It’s a relevant question. Who is our neighbor?

After the 2020 election, I was overloaded with all the outrage in the world. I had fallen into the trap of feeding myself a steady diet of radio, news, social media, and YouTube videos. I was weary of the message that the world was ending. On top of that, I’d just come out of two tumultuous years — having survived brain surgery, seizures, and not driving for a year. And, of course, the entire world was navigating a horrific pandemic.²

Prompted by two good friends, I consciously turned down the noise and cut off the flow of angry voices (voices that build significant wealth, keeping us angry at each other). I started thinking critically about what I really believed. I realized that I wasn’t useful to myself and certainly not to others when I was consumed with how bad the world is.

Since then, I’ve learned more about myself. I wanted to share a few of those lessons with you:

1. The shortest path to hating other people is to equate them to the sum of their views. Hate of this sort requires that you dehumanize people and lump them into a group of outcasts who are unworthy of respect. The effort it took for me to keep up this thinking made me miserable.
   

2. You don’t have to agree with someone to see value in them. Every person born was made on purpose and for a purpose. I need to love those with whom I disagree. I need to see the good in them. We are complicated. Life is so short. Love them anyway, Tarek.
   

3. Sacrificing personal relationships because of voting choices is a poor trade. Compared to our two major party candidates, how often do former presidents appear in the news today? How about the candidates they defeated to win office? How frequently will our two candidates be discussed in 50 or 100 years? Casting aside friends because they see the world differently is not worth it.
   

4. The more you tell someone what they should believe, the more they will double down on their views. Research shows that we tend to feel loyal to whatever tribe we align with. “Psychological research suggests that once our minds are made up on important matters, changing them can be as difficult as stopping a train hurtling at full speed, even when there’s danger straight ahead.”³
   

5. If you want to change someone’s mind, in-person conversations with actual give-and-take are required. For example, social media posts that say, “If you don’t agree with X, then you are a terrible person,” just won’t work. It’s like shouting into a gale-force wind. However, you may have a shot if you buy that person a cup of coffee and give them the dignity of your attention. Be open to seeing the other side of the coin. Practice reflective listening.⁴ If you stand firm on what you believe at the end of the conversation, at least you’ve treated the other person respectfully. Full disclosure: I’m trying to make it a common practice now. I failed miserably most of my adult life in this area.
   

6. “Hey Tarek, are you saying I shouldn’t vote?” Not at all. I already voted. Local and state races are especially critical, as these people ensure you are helped when natural disasters strike. We experienced the impact a local government can make after a tornado hit our neighborhood a few months ago.
   

7. Grateful is better than angry. We are our habits. Fill your life with gratitude, and you will be a grateful person. Fill your life with anger at how bad others are, and you will be a miserable person. I’ve tried both. Grateful is better.

Back to the original question, who is your neighbor?

It’s not just the people in our tribe who align with our views.

…It’s the person I silently judge and am tempted to walk to the other side of the street to avoid.

…It’s the person who puts up the Facebook post that makes me angry.

…It’s the person who almost ran me over in the crosswalk last week at lunch.

…It’s the desperate person walking through a difficult situation for which you could be a lifeline.

Each of these people is my neighbor.

Our thinking alone can’t change the world. It takes action. A shift happens when I see myself as a person of value. Then, I can see that others also have value and can intentionally add value to them. Living in this way will improve the division in our world today — leaving a better legacy for future generations on how to disagree with others while living with more peace.

Changing the world starts with loving my neighbors. All of them.

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This was a tough one to write, but I'm grateful you read this blog. If it added value to you, please share it with a friend!

1. The Good Samaritan

2. My story

3. Why Is It So Hard to Change People’s Minds?

4. What is reflective listening?