Not alone

On finding hope in the low places

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“If you’re depressed or anxious, you’re not weak and you’re not crazy - you’re a human being with unmet needs.” -Johann Hari

I have high standards for almost everything I do. I need to have a mountain to climb, a goal to achieve. Much to Susanna’s frustration, I’m not satisfied having a lazy weekend at home unless I check several things off my to-do list. Setting high standards is great unless you use them to bludgeon yourself when you fall short. Unfortunately, I’m pretty good at that.

However, not much seems to light me up right now. In recent years, I have been more of a reader than a TV watcher, but in recent days, I’ve found myself binge-watching everything I can find on Paramount+.

I don’t like to host pity parties and don’t like to attend the ones that other people throw. I’m a glass-half-full guy. I have many reasons to be happy and grateful, but it’s been challenging lately.

I think I may be experiencing some depression. When it’s happened before, I’ve always tried to push it aside. Perhaps it’s because I’m coming up on my 100th Substack post in a few weeks. I should be happy and excited, right? But the negative voices say, “What have you accomplished, Tarek? There are so many who have had much faster growth. You are so behind.”

I am in no way an expert on this topic. I understand that no one, regardless of age or position in life, is immune to it. I believe depression needs treatment as much as a broken leg. I believe counseling and medicine can be beneficial. Having it doesn’t make you weak. To the contrary, it’s brave to call it out and face it head-on.

After much research, Johann Hari made a list of life disconnections that can contribute to depression:¹

1. Disconnection from meaningful, purposeful work

2. Disconnection from meaningful relationships with other people

3. Disconnection from personal values with intrinsic rewards

4. Disconnection from trauma in childhood

5. Disconnection from self-worth and self-respect

6. Disconnection from the natural world

7. Disconnection from hope for a better future

8. Disconnection in the body and brain due to genetics

9. Disconnection in the body and brain due to trauma

As I read this list, items 1 and 2 resonated deeply with me. I need a reason to get up every day, and people with whom to share life beyond the surface level. How does this list hit you?

I know I won’t always feel this way. In fact, writing this post helped. Why? If one reader feels renewed hope and purpose to push through, it’s worth it for me to be transparent. I encourage you to get counseling, medical help if needed, and, most importantly, pursue meaningful relationships with people who see what you could be, not what you currently are.

So, if you’re in a low place right now, I want to come alongside you and say that I see you. You are not alone. You are not crazy. Your life is not a random accident of the universe.

Ultimately, your life matters.

I believe our creator made you with a specific purpose to accomplish, and you should never give up searching for it. A better day is coming for both of us—it’s just over the horizon. Keep pressing on and above all, do not give up!

1. https://a.co/d/8WZ3oXG p. 71-73