Tell Yourself What You Want

Stop outsourcing your future to everyone else

Listen to this blog:

I must have been about 12 years old. I was standing in our family kitchen at 406 Lake Road, talking to my mom. I don’t know if I was feeling particularly aimless that day, but I asked her this question:

“Mom, tell me what I want.”

She looked at me and smiled. Did most kids know what they wanted at the age of 12? Probably not. Maybe I was bored and wanted to be entertained. Perhaps I wanted more excitement in my life.

But I think there was something more. Something that has chased me all of my adult life. I wanted someone to give me the rules for fulfillment.

I always thought that something was missing. I measured success by what others were doing. Was I intelligent enough? Was I making enough money? Was I in good enough physical shape? Had I racked up enough life trophies?

Maybe you’ve been there too. Looking around the conference room at work for hints of approval. Scrolling LinkedIn to see if you are in a better role than the people you graduated with. Checking your email one more time to see if your boss acknowledged the hard work you put in. Perhaps you’re raising young children and wonder why they struggle more than their friends. Or you are a college student who feels that your grades don’t meet the standards that would make your family proud.

Here’s the thing. Most of us limit ourselves because we are so stuck in today that we never ask the real question: Who do you actually want to be?

Have you seen Matthew McConaughey’s Best Actor speech from 2014? When he was 15, a friend asked him to name his hero. After thinking about it for a couple of weeks, he came back with his answer: ‘It’s me in 10 years.” Ten years later, the same person asked him the same question. His answer? “My hero’s me at 35.”

I love the idea that our hero is 10 years out. We never arrive. We never catch that person. It’s having a worthy goal of who we want to be and being in daily pursuit of it.

I read a great book this year called “Be Your Future Self Now” by Benjamin Hardy.¹ It turns out we are not pushed to greater heights by our past. We won’t achieve greater things by trying to become a copy of others. Our greatest achievements come from being in pursuit of our Future Self. And the clearer the vision we have of who that person is, the more likely we are to achieve success in becoming that person.

Hardy says that your brain is a prediction machine. Every decision you make today is based on some version of tomorrow you’re trying to create or avoid. The problem is, 80 percent of us are primarily driven by fear or avoidance. We’re running from a future we DON’T want instead of toward one we do.

I’m at an interesting part of my life now. Up until I had a life-altering medical situation in 2018, my biggest goal was to chase others. Over the last several years, God has brought me to the point where I care very little about what others think of me. Why? Because the vision I have of my Future Self is stronger. Trying to be someone else would feel like settling.

If you read this and you think, “Tarek has a giant ego”, I have missed the mark.

I’m saying that YOU were put on this earth to do something great with your life. You feel it sometimes, don’t you? When the Saturday college football binge leaves you feeling empty. Returning from the big vacation just means that you have to get back to the monotony of “real” life.

So what do you do?

First, you’ve got to see everything bigger. Whatever vision you have, multiply it by 100. You want to speak up in meetings? Why not picture yourself in an influential leadership role that transforms your company culture? Want to share your unique ideas with the world on social media? Why not turn those ideas into a book that will influence people you will never meet?

Then you need to feel it. Building a connection to your Future Self means seeing them as a different person from who you are today. Get specific. How do they handle criticism? What stories do they tell themselves when things get hard (Mine spends time in prayer, reads/writes for an hour so I can be grounded before the day even starts)?

Next, choose it. Given your current situation, what’s the most important thing you could achieve in the next 30 days? Not 30 things. One thing. Then stop everything else that’s getting in the way. If it’s becoming a reader, put that book out the night before. If it’s improving your health, put your workout clothes out the night before.

Finally, live it now. Your behavior follows your identity. Your belief drives your behavior. If Future You reads for 30 minutes each morning, open that book now. If Future You is fit, get outside and walk. You already have your workout clothes on, right?

I’m not asking for a 5-year vision. That’s way too much for me. But be honest with yourself. Do you know who you want to be? If not, this is worth journaling about. When you journal, you’re having a conversation with yourself and making sense of the random thoughts and irrational fears that occupy your mind.

My mom never actually told me what I wanted. But I know she had a vision for me that was bigger than what I saw for myself. She always saw more for me. She wanted me to chase my dreams. Mom, it took a few years, but I’m finally doing it. I miss you every day.

You were made to have an impact on the world.
You were made to do something great with your life.
Your Future Self is waiting.
Today is a great day to start.

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1. Be Your Future Self Now